


The Darkness in the Corner of Your Smile

by worldsnobody



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Heavy Angst, M/M, Out of Character, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-10-12 21:01:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10499406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldsnobody/pseuds/worldsnobody
Summary: After Legolas receives a sudden message from a blog, the start of a new friendship sparks between Legolas and Gimli. Masked with lies and drown by guilt from his past Legolas must decide whether to let his newly formed friend know his true self or continue to fight the demons that haunt his mind. The decision becomes difficult as Gimli struggles with his troubles in his own life. The two resort to desperate measures to be a positive influence in the other’s life. ---For Gigolas Week (Day 4 "I always thought I would go first." )





	1. Suffocator

_The Darkness in the Corner of Your Smile_

 -

         Chapter 1: Suffocator

  -

“Quotations” = Speech

 _‘Italics’_ = Thoughts

 _Italics_ = Flashback

\----------------------------

Legolas awoke with a start. His father was yelling at him to wake up and get dressed. He wanted to stay in bed, but the tutors were waiting for him downstairs. Legolas had already missed a few homeschool lessons, and Thranduil was not going to allow him to miss anymore.

 

With a sigh, Legolas slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. ‘ _Another boring day.’_ He thinks to himself.

 

Legolas looks at his phone, noticing some notifications from Tumblr on a previous edit he made. He would have to check the post later; he put his phone down and quickly got ready.

 

Unwillingly, he walks down the stairs, hoping for a short lesson today. However, he knew that was unlikely, especially since he was already late. If anything, the lesson would run longer than usual, to make up for all the ones he missed.

 

Legolas entered the home library and found his tutor sitting down at a table.

 

“Ah, you finally decided to show up,” Feren says just as Legolas walks through the door.  

 

“Sorry, I forgot to set my alarm...again,” Legolas responds in a soft tone.

 

Feren sighs. “No matter, you’re here now. Ready for your first lesson?”

 

Not bothering to respond, he joins Feren at the table. With much effort, the two begin with the first lesson of the day. As predicted, the tutoring goes well over the standard time, and Feren does not leave until around dinner time at 6 pm. Legolas is exhausted; he only got a short break for lunch and just wants to go to sleep, but he has to join his father for dinner.  

 

Lifting his tired body out of the chair, he leaves and walks towards the dining room already smelling the meal Galion had prepared. Legolas forces a slight smile as he enters the room. He can already feel his father’s eyes on him as he walks up to a chair.

 

“How did tutoring go today?” Thranduil says as his son takes a seat across from him.

 

“Fine.” Legolas looked down at the food and started to shift the contents of the plate around with his fork. Irritated at the sound of the fork scraping the bottom of the plate, his father stares for a moment and closes his eyes.

 

“Is that all you have to say?” Thranduil says in a frustrated voice. “Stop playing with your food and look at me when I’m speaking to you!”

 

Startled at the sound of father’s raised voice. Legolas looks up quickly.

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Legolas says in a shaky breath. His eyes gaze over to Thranduil's. He can already see the anger that’s built up in them.

 

Thranduil sighs. “Just finish your food and go to bed. You have another early lesson tomorrow.”

 

With a slight nod, Legolas looks back down at his food and eats it without really savoring the flavor. Once he’s finished his meal, Legolas heads upstairs and takes a shower then heads to bed.

 

Finally, Legolas could rest after a long day. However, instead of going to sleep, he checks his phone.  After checking all the new notes on his posts and reading the tags on his Tumblr post, he decides to browse for new edits to reblog.

 

Scrolling through his dash, Legolas becomes bored after reblogging some posts to his main and side blog. ‘ _I should really follow more blogs...my dash is dead.’_ He decides to looks in the tag for his favorite movie, _Suicide Room_ , and reblogs a few posts to his side blog. However, he sees one really nice fanart for the film and decides to check out the blog. When going through the blog,  he finds that he has a lot of similar interests with this person, which includes a love for animals, and the same movies and books. Not to mention this person had an art style that Legolas deeply admired. ‘ _I wonder what the person’s name is? I feel like we would be friends if we ever talked. But, I can’t do that.’_ Legolas sighs longing for friendship and reads the about page and learns that the blog is run by a male going by the name of “Gem.” He smiles slightly then clicks the follow button for “axebattle.”

 

Noticing the time, Legolas decides to get a couple of hours of sleep before he has to get up and continue homeschooling.

\--------------

Gimli arrived at school early; he decided to head down to the cafeteria and eat some of the free breakfast the school provides to the less fortunate children. He picked out a chocolate chip muffin and orange juice then sat down at a table. There was still a half hour before homeroom started so he took out his phone and went on Tumblr. He was happy to see that he had a new follower on his blog, that was until he saw the name of the blog “livelyleaves.” He’s seen that blog all over Tumblr, the user going by the alias of “Leaf” was very popular. He thought Leaf was a big shot in the art community on Tumblr. The other blogger gave him bad vibes; Gimli always thought Leaf was very conceited and let all the fame go to her head. However, maybe he could be proved wrong. Gimli decides to click on the blog again and look it over again.

He scrolls over over Leaf’s about page. There is much listed “Please call me Leaf. I make art and edits for some of my interests on Tumblr. Thank you for stopping by my blog! C:” _‘Huh, I always thought Leaf was a girl, but it’s not listed here...Maybe I assumed wrong.’_ Gimli clicks on the about me tag that Leaf lists if people want to know more information. He sees an ask that asks what pronouns Leaf prefers, but the blogger just answers “I’m okay with whatever pronouns, you chose to call me.” At least Gimli didn’t have to feel bad about using the wrong pronouns. He goes back to the home page of Leaf’s blog.

 

Frowning, he scrolls through their blog, already seeing the many notes that were on Leaf’s drawings.

Gimli snorts. “Figures.” He continues to scroll through it seeing some pieces that actually capture his eye. “I guess she’s not _that_ bad…And she at least replies to her followers.” Gimli thinks about how many popular blogs don’t bother to respond to many of their messages from followers, and if they do, sometimes it can be rude.  Gimli sighs and decides to give Leaf the benefit of the doubt; he clicks the follow button and sends Leaf a quick message before class starts.

\-------------------------

Legolas jumped up from bed out of breath. This time he was not awoken by his father’s screaming but his own screaming from a nightmare.

He feels a hand on his arm and almost jumps. But, Legolas realizes it is his father who is rubbing circles on his back trying to soothe him.

“Legolas, wake up. Calm down, son. It’s going to be okay….you’re okay.” Thranduil speaks in a soft tone.

With a heavy breath, he glances over to him. He leans into his father, and Thranduil embraces him. It takes all of Legolas’ willpower to not burst into tears.

Thranduil sighs and strokes his son’s hair. “It’s okay, my little leaf.” He gently pulls his son closer to his chest. “But this can’t continue, Legolas, you’re getting older now, and you need a proper education. You can’t keep missing the lessons with Feren; he shows you great respect, and I expect you to do the same in return.”

“Y-yes, Ada. I’m sorry. I will...I--” Legolas can’t hold back his tears any longer, he already felt terrible, and this added guilt wasn’t needed. He hides his face in his father's chest and begins to sob.

Tears fall all over Thranduil’s suit, but he does not say anything. He just holds his son close and strokes Legolas’ hair for some time, while his mind wanders back to moments like this with his wife.

Thranduil eventually gets up. “Legolas….you can rest for the remainder of the day. But, tomorrow you have to continue with your lessons with Feren, even if you had a nightmare. Life is tough sometimes but you have to continue through it, no matter what. Is that clear?”

Legolas nods and clears his voice. “Yes, I understand...Thank you, Ada.”

Thranduil leaves the room, and Legolas glances over at the digital clock on the nightstand; it was now noon. He didn’t want to go back to sleep, so he gets his laptop and brings it over the bed.

When pulling up Tumblr, Legolas is surprised to see a new message. It was unusual since people usually sent asks opposed to messages. He shrugs it off and believes that it would be similar to the typical questions he receives. However, it is unexpected that the message came from “axebattle”; the same person he followed last night, but was too afraid to contact.

 

Legolas couldn’t understand why but he suddenly felt nauseous. He did not even read past the line that displayed the username, but he felt anxious that ‘Gem’ was going to hate him. _‘What if he doesn’t like me? What if he is messaging me, to tell me that I should not be following his blog….But I didn’t see any rules for following his blog. I need to calm down. I don’t know why I am so worried...I don’t understand why I want him to like me so much. Or why I so desperately want him to be my friend. I do not even know Gem yet, so I shouldn’t be longing for his friendship so soon. But he has so many common interests that I do, and I have never been so moved by artwork before...Plus, it would be nice to have a friend.’_

Reaching a hand up to meet his face, his fingers felt the wet tears that began falling down his face. Legolas began to sob once again that day. He never had a friend in life, and he desperately yearned for one; he felt lonely all the time. Remembering this pain, Legolas got up and went to the bathroom connected to his room. He looked around, and the shiny metal catches his eye. Picking up the hidden razor, he holds it in his hand. He tries to resist and tell himself that he doesn’t need to hurt himself. But he looks at himself in the mirror, and he already sees the broken little boy that he has already become. In this image, the boy is already dead, at least on the inside. He doesn’t know how to stop the tears or the feeling of having his heart ripped out. But, at least this helps distract him; he can focus on this new pain while the old pain goes away. He lets out a cry thinking of how upset his father would be if he found out. Clenching his jaw, he pushes that thought aside and rolls up his sleeves and begins to make new horizontal cuts along his wrist.  

Legolas watches the blood spill out of his wrists and thinks. _‘A friend could help ease all the pain he felt. He never knows what to do when he feels this miserable.’_

Cleaning up, he goes back to his room and lays back down. The computer is left ignored on the other side of the bed that is way too large for a lanky 12-year-old’s body.

Hours later, Thranduil shakes Legolas awake. He sighs, his son must have fallen back to sleep; he assumed Legolas could use a few more hours of rest. But, too much sleep is never good, and it was now time for dinner. Legolas never ate enough and was underweight for his age. But, Thranduil was trying to fix this. To start, Legolas had to stop staying in his room all the time and come to the dining room for dinner every day. Thranduil allowed Galion to bring Legolas breakfast and lunch in his room or the library. But, he was always skeptical whether Legolas ate it or not, at least at dinner Thranduil could make sure, his son would eat. Another reason, why the home lessons were important for Legolas was that Feren could make sure he ate something for lunch.

Legolas wakes up and groans. Looking at his father confused, he hears him speak, “Come on, get up, it’s time for dinner.” Legolas didn’t want to get up, but he didn’t want to fight either. With much effort, he forced himself up and followed his father to the dinner table.

After their meal, Legolas retreats to his room. He takes a shower and changes into some clean pajamas. He sits on his bed and spots the laptop nearby, typing in his password to unlock it, the screen opens to the Tumblr page with the mouse over the smiley face message box icon on Tumblr. _‘The message I almost forgot...I’m still nervous, but I have to read it sooner or later.’_ Legolas takes a deep breath and closes his eyes clicking the message. “Screw it…” He whispered under his breath.  After a few seconds, he opens his mind to read the message. Legolas sighs in relief and lets out a little laugh when he reads the message.

‘axebattle: I’m not sure why such a popular blogger like yourself would follow my trash blog???but thank you.’

Legolas was comforted by the fact that none of his fears came true. However, he was still upset that Gem was calling his blog trash. _‘Why would he call his blog trash? He does such amazing artwork...it’s way better than mine. I’m shocked that he’s not more popular; he deserves way more followers than I do. I don’t even deserve to be a popular blog. I think I’m just lucky. Maybe I can help him see how beautiful his work truly is...Maybe I can learn more about him and become his friend even...I guess I should respond to the message now.’_

‘livelyleaves: No need to thank me. I was truly stunned by your amazing artwork that I had to follow your blog. You have great talent, and I hope that you too become a popular blog, you totally deserve it. I wouldn’t follow you if I didn’t like your content. Like I said, I really admire your artwork, and I think we share a few other interests as well.’

Legolas read over the message and sighed; he was trying way too hard. He didn’t want to sound desperate. ‘It does  sound nice…..and definitely not written by a 12-year-old.’ Taking a deep breath, he hits send and then goes to scrolling through his dash.

\-------------------------

Gimli finished his microwave dinner and headed upstairs. After a tough day, he could now relax. His father probably wouldn’t be home tonight, Gloin, was probably out with his biker gang buddies. _‘It’s annoying how I have to be the adult when I’m still a kid. I shouldn’t have to make dinner and take care of the apartment.’_ He sighs to himself and turns on his laptop. _‘This stupid thing runs so slow. I really need to get a job so I can save enough money for a new laptop._ ’ Finally, the laptop boots up and Gimli logs onto Tumblr.

Gimli was taken back to see he had a new message. He was not popular at all and never received asks or messages. He thinks back to earlier in the day when he sent a message to the blogger “livelyeaves.” _‘Perhaps, it could be a reply from him. Nah, she’s too popular. Why would she reply to me? It is probably just a spam bot.’_ He clicked the message, and it was from “livelyleaves.” Curious to see her reply, he opened the message.

‘livelyleaves: No need to thank me. I was truly stunned by your amazing artwork that I had to follow your blog. You have great talent, and I hope that you too become a popular blog, you totally deserve it. I wouldn’t follow you if I didn’t like your content. Like I said, I really admire your artwork, and I think we share a few other interests as well.’

A blush appeared on Gimli’s face as he read the reply. He couldn’t help but grin, this was the nicest thing that anyone has ever said about his art. Actually, it was the best compliment Gimli received in his life. Not to mention that it came from someone with thousands of followers and created nice art themselves. Gimli could appreciate the compliment so much. He feels guilty about all the negative he felt towards Leaf. The blogger appeared to be a good person. Gimli wanted to know more about Leaf and what were these other interests they had in common. He quickly starts types up a response then waits for a reply.

‘axebattle: omg you're too nice. my artwork is nowhere near as good as yours sdfghjkl; i honestly didn’t think you would actually want to follow me. ur artwork is really amazing too, i’m blown away by it! it deserves to be hung in an art museum. really! xDD  i would totally go see it if it ever was.  also, i’m glad we share some interests too. i guess we have some things in common. :D  but omg what interests do we share???’

Still grinning like an idiot; he hits the send button. He can feel his heart pumping. _‘Did he sound too excited? Was the smiley face too much?’_ It doesn’t matter. He can already see the start of a new friendship evolve.

Setting his laptop down, he lays down in bed already thinking about all the conversations he’s going to have with Leaf until eventually drifts off to sleep.  

\-----------

Legolas was in the middle of posting a new edit to Tumblr and jumped at the noise that signaled he had a new message. His hands began to shake a bit, but he couldn’t be afraid forever. _‘My message was nice. I don’t know what bad thing he can say to me.’_ After posting his edit, he takes a deep breath and opens the message.

‘axebattle: omg you're too nice. my artwork is nowhere near as good as yours sdfghjkl; i honestly didn’t think you would actually want to follow me. ur artwork is really amazing too, i’m blown away by it! it deserves to be hung in an art museum. really! xDD  i would totally go see it if it ever was.  also, i’m glad we share some interests too. i guess we have some things in common. :D  but omg what interests do we share???’

Legolas couldn’t believe what he just read. He had to read it twice to make sure the words were actually real. Once reassured, his brain wasn’t conjuring up a false string of words, he began to process what the message truly meant. _‘This is a very different attitude from before….maybe I’m doing something right. He seems happy; I want it to stay that way. But does this mean he wants to be friends with me? He believes that my art can hang in museums, that’s so sweet. It’s not true….but it’s very sweet. He pushed the negative thought aside. I hope we can be friends.’_  Legolas touched his chest; his heart was pounding very fast. Glowing with happiness, Legolas begins to respond back to Gem.

‘livelyleaves: Ah, thank you, Gem. I’m very flattered, but you're too kind. I really do believe that you have a talent that many aspire to have, myself included.  You should be very proud of yourself and all the work that you have created. c:’

Pulling up axebattle’s tag list, Legolas continues the message.

‘Some of the common interests I noticed we shared are video games like Dragon Age, Skyrim, and Final Fantasy. As well as, some books, including A Series of Unfortunate Events, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Interview with a Vampire, The Great Gatsby, Coraline, The Chronicles of Narnia, and The Hunger Games. Along with movies or TV programs like Merlin BBC, Smallville, Gotham, House, Avatar: The Last Airbender, How to Train Your Dragon,  E.T., The Incredibles, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Captain America, and Pirates of the Caribbean. Lastly, I’m not sure how to categorize these….but I saw you had an interest in dogs and other animals.

(P.S. I hope it was okay that I addressed you as Gem. You can call me Leaf if you want.)’

Legolas read the message and took another deep breath as he hit send. I hope I didn’t write too much. _‘Maybe I should have answered less formally as he did. But, I’m so used to this persona ‘Leaf’ that I created for this blog. But, I don’t know why but when talking to Gem, I feel like I can truly be myself. I’m afraid that I might scare him away, though. He does seem to be in more darker and emotional things that I like--I almost mentioned how I found him through Suicide Room. But I couldn’t, not on this blog. Maybe if my other blog was not a side blog, it could be different. However, some of the disturbing content on that blog might be enough to turn anyway away. I think it’s better this way. At least, I have a chance to make have a friend.’_

Legolas checks the time; he wonders if Gem has the same time zone or does he live far away? It was now 10 pm in his time zone; he should probably go to bed early so he can get up for his lesson tomorrow. But, Legolas wasn’t tired, he slept most of the day and it’s hard for him to fall asleep. _‘I want to wait up, to see if I get a response. But that could take a while, especially if the other was asleep by now. There was still a chance he isn’t asleep, so I’ll continue blogging.’_

\-------

Gimli jumps up at hearing a sound from his laptop that he failed to turn off before falling asleep. He grabbed his laptop and was about to shut it off, but he noticed that he had a new message. _‘Ah, this must be where the sound came from.’_ He realizes it was probably a message from Leaf and quickly opens it.

Squinting from the brightness of the screen, Gimli reads the message and smiles. _‘Leaf is so sweet, and she called me Gem! Oh my god, what should I say? I don’t want to sound too excited again since she writes so...formal. Ahh, what am I saying she didn’t seem to care.’_

‘axebattle: asdfghjkl omg thank you so much leaf!! you need to stop being so nice ur gonna kill me hehe. it’s okay that you called me Gem that’s why i put it there xDD. plz u should be proud of ur artwork too. omg we do have a lot of fandoms in common!! yisss gud. do u have a skype or anything?? it would be better to use dat since its faster to message.. if u want tho XD i hope we can be friends ^^ ’

Gimli sighs happily as he hits send. He unconsciously goes back and reads the messages Leaf has sent him. _‘This is so great! I finally met someone who has the same tastes as I do! She sounds so cool and amazing...I hope she didn’t find me weird.’_

Laying back down, he closes his eyes feeling content. He feels his heart pound with every second thought of Leaf. He never knew he was going to meet someone this amazing and sweet. Not to mention on a site that was full of fake people.

\---

Legolas hears the familiar noise that indicates he has a new message. He’s not anxious this time to read it, so he quickly clicks it open and scans through it. He laughs lightly while reading the reply _. ‘He seems so excited and happy. God, I wish that were me. I wonder what it feels like to actually to be happy. Or maybe he is just pretending? I hope not, and I hope I truly do make Gem smile. He wants to know my Skype, though….I barely use Skype, I only have my father and Feren as contacts...I guess that’s pretty sad. But, what would anyone else expect from a kid with no friends? Well….it seems like I finally might have one. Gem says that he wants to be friends. Those are some words; I never expected to hear. I guess I can give him my Skype. I hope this friendship lasts forever and doesn’t end as quickly as it started. I just hope he doesn’t want to video or voice chat or anything. He wouldn’t want to be my friend after that. I look about eight years old, and my voice is a little too high for a male. Not to mention I’m so skinny and have all these scars on my wrists. I can hide the scars, but it would be hard to hide my whole body. I should stop worrying and just reply already.’_

‘livelyleaves: Ah, thank you once again. I do have a skype it’s ‘green.leaf’ I hope we can be friends, as well! c:’

Legolas opens Skype and hides his personal information like a number of contacts, age, location, and everything else except time. He makes sure to change his name to life and change his picture that displayed himself to a simple nature drawing he made, and he adds a status saying “I’m smiling at everything.” It’s not true, but it’s just a song lyric, and he can relate to the song ‘Therapy’ by All Time Low. Most of his smiles were fake, but he tried to smile to keep people from asking questions. Plus, he thinks if he was truly ‘Leaf’ he probably genuinely be happy. He chose to give an upbeat and kind personality on his main blog. His side blog was a different story... After quickly fixing his Skype information, he hits send.

Within a few minutes, he gets a request on Skype from “axebattle.” He also sees another Tumblr message.

‘axebattle: omg you really like leaves xDD i added you!! :D’

Legolas smiles slightly, he did like nature, but he’s not the one who picked out the name Legolas that meant greenleaf. He could have chosen a more original name, but he couldn’t be bothered to think of anything else. Leaf is a nickname he had since he was born. Legolas accepts the request and sees that Gem is typing.

‘Gem: omg hi!!”

‘Leaf: Hey Gem.’

‘Gem: this is so cool. i can’t wait to get to know you better. also omg i love your icon. it’s so pretty! i should change mine its trash.’

‘Leaf: I’d like to get to know you better as well. I think is your icon is really nice. Is that you? If it is you look nice. c:’

‘Gem: asdfghjk yeah its me. plz i look gross. i would have never put it up but i only have contacts with my friends and family irl.’

‘Leaf: I understand, but you seriously do look nice in my opinion. But, feel free to change your picture to something you’re more comfortable with.’

Legolas was about to agree with Gem and say he only had contacts from his real life. But he felt anxious that Gem might ask to see what his icon was before he changed it. He right clicked Gem’s profile, and he had over 20 contacts, so Legolas felt inferior to Gem _. ‘He must actually have friends...So many too. Why does he need any more? I’m not anything special.’_ Legolas looked back up to the information noticed that Gem was only 12 years old. Well, that makes sense due to his vocabulary and youthful appearance. It was comforting that Legolas has a friend that was the same age as him, even if Legolas was quite mature for his age. ‘ _Well, I have to be mature with all the schooling that I’m given at home. Ada tells me to always be proper in front of other people. It’s hard to be proper and still act like a child.’_ He sighs and waits for Gem’s reply.

While waiting for a response, he recalled another thing that bothered him was the fact that Gem lived in the same state at him. Well, that is if the information Gem put for his state is correct. ‘But why would Gem lie about his location? He said that all his contacts know him in real life. Though if he were truthful, then that would mean….there is a chance they could be friends in real life one day too. But, it would probably be unlikely. Even though they lived in the same state, it was still a few hours away from my city.’ Legolas was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw a new message on Skype.

‘Gem: sorry for the late reply. i was looking for a cool icon! xD it’s now a picture of my dog. i remember you said you liked dogs and animals so i think you would like it :3’

‘Leaf: Aw, your dog is beautiful. I totally smiled at the photo. Do you mind asking the name and breed of your dog?’

‘Gem: his name is guts and he’s a rottweiler mixed with a great pyrenees. I also have older dog named griffith, he’s a samoyed. :D do you have any pets?’

‘Leaf: Those are some unusual names haha. They fit them, though. I only have an american eskimo dog named Blossom and a munchkin cat named Clover.

‘Gem: omg u have a munchkin cat?!!! i always wanted one! theyre short and stubby like me lmao xD american eskimos are really cute too. we need to plan a puppy playdate one day LOL Oh yea! i got those names off a favorite anime i watch. do u watch any? also how did u get the names of ur pets??’

‘Leaf:  Haha you're fine just the way you are. Yeah maybe one day that could be possible, I’m sure our dogs would get along nicely. I haven’t seen any anime, sorry. I don’t watch too many things anymore, I should try to watch more programs when I have time. Anyway, my cat is older than I am, so my mother named her. I called my dog Blossom because I’m really into nature. I was pretty young when I got her and I told my father a bunch of names related to nature and he told me that the cherry blossom flowers symbolize “the fragility and the beauty of life.” Or in other words, life is beautiful, but it always ends too quickly. I thought the name worked best for both our lives at that point, so I settled on the name Blossom.’

‘Gem: ahh plz u r gonna make me blush again !! u r too tho ;P oh! i can recommend some series if u want?? im a tv junkie hehe and whoa dats a really deep meaning. wish i could be dat creative in coming up with names XD theyre really cute names too. i like dem a lot! r u and ur family close?? it sounds like u are :3’

Legolas freezes for a moment as he stares at the new message Gem has just sent him. He can feel his heart pound as his breathing quickens. _‘Why did he just ask me that? What should I say? Should I just lie? I’m full of lies anyway.  Besides, I don’t want to be awkward about it and kill the mood of this conversation. He seems like he’s having a good time talking to me and I don’t want to ruin that. Maybe I should just ignore it and ask him instead?’_

Letting out a deep breath, he begins to type again.

‘Leaf: Again? As in I made you blush before? Ah, that’s adorable. And thank you, even though you don’t know what I look like. You can recommend things for me to watch, I'll add them to my watch list. Ahh, I'm sort of boring and my family is too. Why don't you tell me about yours instead? c:’

Hoping Gem doesn't push the question again; he sends the message and hugs himself. Unconsciously, he begins to dig his nails into his forearm, irritating the cuts that he had made earlier that day.

‘Gem: hehe yea >w<… but ok sure!! ill send u a list ;3 or maybe we can watch some things together if you want. that would be so cool xD. np i bet you look beautiful plz!! awww okay well my family is ehh I mean idk we arent ...that close. my mom left me and my dad when i was like 7 years old. and my dad hes just ..a big annoying asshole :/’

Legolas feels his heart sink when reading through Gem’s message. _‘Another thing we have in common….we both do not have mothers. However, I think it would probably be worse in his situation because he remembers his mom. I wish I could give him a better life. Or at least make him feel better. I don’t want to him to feel sad.’_ Legolas unfolds his arms and is about to begin replying, but he notices a red substance on his fingertips and palms. _‘Blood. I must have irritated my cuts on accident.’_ Getting out of bed, he goes over to the bathroom and washes his hands. After a few minutes, he returns to message Gem back.

‘Leaf: I’m sorry for the delayed message, Gem. I was bleeding a little bit, but I’m fine now. Thank you, I look forward to seeing what you have put on the list. I’m not sure if we can watch anything together….As I said, I’m pretty boring. I guess it would depend on the situation, sorry. But it does sound cool, in theory. About your family...I'm sorry that your mom left you when you were so young. That must have been hard to deal with. Your dad should realize what a great son that he has; he should treat you better.’

‘Gem: oh thats terrible. im glad youre ok!! plz ur not boring!! i wouldnt be talking to u if i didnt find u interesting XP we could just start off watching a movie at the same time maybe?? then talk about it through the chat. :) thank you leaf. i really do appreciate it! but there is nothing i can do in regards to my parents. i probably deserve it, i’m not a great son like you say i am. i’m trash lol.’

‘Leaf: Yeah, I could probably watch a movie at the same time as you and we can chat during and after it on Skype. But, you shouldn’t think of yourself like that. You're a really great person with so much talent. You shouldn't look down on yourself. I hope that you can see how extraordinary you are one day. I hope others like your parents can see that too. c:’

Gimli couldn’t help but smile. _‘Leaf is so nice. I guess she is pretty shy if she doesn’t want to video or voice chat. But I don’t mind as long as we can still talk through text. I feel like Leaf can help me build my self-esteem, and help me become a better person. I hope that I can do the same for her and that one day she will open up to me about her life. I’m still curious about her family, but I don’t want to be pushy.’_ Gimli rereads the message a few times admiring the kind words. He notices that it has gotten late. He sighed. Gimli really wanted the conversation with Leaf to continue, but he knew that if he didn’t go to sleep soon there was no chance of him getting up on time for school.

‘Gem: i would really like that, it sounds so fun!! let me know when you want to. i know a lot of great movies. xD but omg this is the nicest thing anyone ever said to me asdfghjkl; thanks so much!! you’re so sweet. Omg you’re extraordinary too, i hope you know that. :) also, i hate to cut this convo short but it’s gotten so late ;-; i have to go to sleep soon or else i won’t be able to get up for school tomorrow. Ugh school ruins everything. but i enjoyed talking to you and i hope we can talk again tomorrow! :D’

‘Leaf: Sure, I'll keep you updated. I’m sorry if I kept you up, but I enjoyed talking to you as well. Have a good night.’

‘Gem: byeeeeeeeeeeee~’

Gimli shuts off his laptop and goes to sleep. While Legolas stays up a while longer thinking about his conversation with ‘Gem.’ _‘It feels great to have a friend...Can I call him a friend after only knowing him a short while? I guess, I can because he actually enjoys talking to me. I’m really happy this happened. Please don’t let me ruin it. I don’t think I could handle it if  Gem ended up hating me. He’s like a shining star in the darkness.’_ Legolas laughs lightly to himself and thinks that ‘Star’ would be a good nickname for his friend. With that thought, Legolas drifts off to sleep.

\----------------------

Legolas and Gimli have been online friends for about a year and a half now. Every morning their spirits were lifted by a message from the other. There was never a day where either of them didn’t check their Skype. The two friends were inseparable and had always made time for each other. They watched movies together over Skype. However, Gimli was the only one who showed his face and talked. But, Legolas did communicate in through text, Gimli didn’t mind; it was nice watching things together. And even if it weren't together one would always talk about the books they were reading or the shows they were watching, and the other would be sure to read or watch the same thing.

They learned maybe facts about each other, including their real names and ages. They no longer felt the need to call each other ‘Leaf’ and ‘Gem’ unless on Tumblr. Instead, they came up with new nicknames for each other, which they used in addition to their real names. Legolas liked to call Gimli, Star or Cosmos, and Gimli called Legolas, treasure.

Despite becoming so close, Gimli still did not know a lot about Legolas. It was hard for him to get Legolas to open up. Gimli often shared his troubles at home or school with his friend. But all he got in return was support through kind and comforting messages. That wasn’t a bad thing, but Gimli wanted to help through tough times as well. No matter how many times Gimli said that he was here for Legolas if he ever wanted to talk. All Gimli got in response was “I know, thank you. But I don’t have anything that I need to talk about.”

 _‘I guess he’s  still not comfortable about opening up to me. It’s alright, though, I can understand why. But I do wish I did know a little more about him.’_ Gimli thought. ‘ _I should be grateful that he has shared some information with me. It would have been extremely awkward if I still kept using she/her pronouns when Legolas is male. Though it was weird, he waited so long to tell me. But I guess because he’s not comfortable sharing personal information online, which is why he never listed it on Tumblr. It’s nice that he doesn’t care what pronouns he uses. Maybe he is questioning if he is nonbinary or something along those lines? I don’t know. But then again, I don’t know many things. I hope he eventually shares more with me. But for now, I’m happy with the facts that I do know. Like Legolas being homeschooled and that he lives in the same state as me. That’s so cool. I hope one day we can meet. If only we lived a little bit closer or were old enough to drive.’_

Pulling out of his thoughts, Gimli looks at his phone seeing a notification that says livelyleaves reblogged this. Curious, Gimli goes and sees what post he reblogged. He clicks on the blog and feels his stomach drop. There were multiple negative posts on the blog, which suggest his best friend is mentally unstable. The posts indicate Legolas is insecure, suicidal, and possibly harms himself. Gimli hugged his stomach in pain and started to cry. _‘I feel betrayed. Why didn’t he tell me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends? I understand he is afraid to open that this…this is so much to hide. I wonder what else he is hiding? I really want to find out. I can’t stay mad at him; I just want to help Legolas. I wish he would let me, especially when he is in such pain. I feel like an awful friend for not noticing. I wonder how I can confront him about this. Or if I should? I don’t want to ruin our friendship. But what is the point of having a friendship that is built on lies? He doesn’t have to pretend to happy just for me. He is allowed to be sad. I’ll be there to comfort him, just as he has done for me.’_ Gimli continued to think for the rest of the night; he can’t sleep not when his mind keeps picturing Legolas calling out for help. Gimli doesn’t know what Legolas looks like, but he can imagine, it’s just like imagining a character from a book or something; his mind was able to create an image for his friend. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Legolas mutilating himself asking Gimli, “why didn’t you save me?” in a broken voice. This day was going to haunt Gimli for a long time, he knew it. He hopes he can talk to Legolas soon and the image can soon fade from his mind.

\---------

Not being able to sleep any longer, Legolas opens his heavy eyes.  He slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. Looking over at his laptop, he moves it onto his lap and moves the trackpad. Squinting, he notices 50 new asks. Confused, he moves the cursor over and clicks on the envelope icon.   _‘I hope I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t recall saying or doing anything that could be offensive…’_

Now adjusting to the brightness of the screen, he reads the first message that's listed.

 

‘artiemoods said:

Hey, Leaf! Is everything okay? I just wanted to make sure because you posted a lot of depressive stuff on your blog :( Your blog is usually full of bright and happy posts. Did something happen?’

‘sad-goats-eat-crayons said:

Ok um im kinda triggered by these posts?? I actually self harm and stuff so I followed ur blog for happy stuff to cope with that and ur over here all posting sad shit. Im unfollowing. ur so fake man’

‘anonymous said:

Can you please tag your negative posts?  It’s kind of disturbing to see…’

‘anonymous said:

Wtf are with these posts??? Stop being an attention seeker. Kill urself.’

‘sarah-maid said:

Is everything okay D: ?? I just saw all these posts you randomly posted and it scared me.’

.

.

.

Confused and feeling as if his heart is on fire he quickly goes to his main blog and sees what his followers have been talking about. He freezes, noticing all of the negative posts he thought he reblogged to his side blog. He feels as though he’s going to be sick, his eyes fill with tears noticing that he has fucked up his entire existence on Tumblr. ‘ _I’m so stupid! Why didn’t I notice I was on my main blog? Now everyone knows how fucking fake I’ve been. What have I done?! I always end up screwing things up. I should've just killed myself in the first place. That would’ve been something everyone would have wanted. I would’ve been doing them a service. Now my followers hate me. I even triggered a few of them. I couldn’t just ruin my life; I had to mess up other’s lives as well. Why am I like this? I feel like dying. Please just someone kills me. I’ll never be able to log in again. Everything is ruined. No one likes me, Gimli won’t even like me anymore---Oh shit Gimli! I wonder if he saw those posts. I bet he did. He hasn’t messaged me yet...I bet he doesn't even want to anymore since I’m just a fake piece of shit. He’s probably disgusted that he was ever even my friend. It was just a waste of his time. All I wanted was for people to like me, but I guess there’s always an end to that. I think I’m dying; I can’t breathe, or see straight, my body is shaking so badly that I can’t move. If this panic attack doesn’t kill me then--I should just end my life right now. No one will even miss me anyway. Ada would be so much happier without me...I’ve been a burden to him after all. Mom died because of me. It was all my fault..all my fucking fault. I should have died instead of her. Ada would’ve been able to take care of her better if I wasn’t even alive.  Why did I have to be born….it’s not like I ever asked to exist. I mean nothing to no one. Honestly, no one has ever even taken an interest in caring for me. Except for Gimli, but I fucked that up. So, there is no one left….Ada only cared because he has to. I’m worthless. I’m just fucking worthless shit. I deserve to die.’_ Legolas sobbed harder and gasped for air. He collapsed back down on his bed and his lithe frame racked with sobs for hours. He was lucky it was the weekend, or his father would be bothering him about going downstairs for his lessons. Once all his tears cease, Legolas lays on his bed not moving. He had no motivation to get up. ‘ _I do owe it, to my followers to apologize. They deserve an apology. Gimli deserves one as well. I’m not sure I can begin to explain how sorry I am to him. But...I should at least delete the posts and write a general apologize that addresses everyone.’_ After laying there for a while longer, Legolas felt like he could move enough to get back over to his laptop to type the message.

He first deletes all the negative posts that he posted. Next, he clicks to make a new text post. He types:

‘I’m so sorry for my posts last night. I thought I was posting them to my side blog. Typically, I chose my side blog, and the posts continuously get reblogged to there, until I refresh the page, so I’m not sure what happened. But, I know that it is still not an excuse. I am sorry if I triggered or upset anyone in any way or caused people to worry. It was never my intention to cause any harm. I know my blog has become a safe place for various individuals. Many people follow me because my posts can cheer them up when they’re down. So, I understand all the uproar that came from the negative posts. Sorry, if I come across as fake. But, I use this blog to cheer myself up as well. I appreciate all the support that I have received for my artwork and edits. I’ve gotten way more followers than I ever could have dreamed. I really don’t even deserve all your support. Once again, I apologize, feel free to unfollow me. #personal, #i’ve already lost a lot of followers #i’ll probably lose more #it’s fine #it’s my own fault #i always ruin things #(:::::: #delete later’

Legolas published the post and closed Chrome. He debated on whether messaging Gimli directly or not. ‘ _No, he probably already hates me. I don’t want to bother him. He can read my apology in the Tumblr post.’_ Legolas shuts off his laptop and heads to the bathroom. He stares at himself in the mirror for a moment. _‘Look how disgusting I look from all the crying. Who even wants someone who just cries like a baby and can’t do anything to fix shit? I wouldn’t want me. I’m pathetic and worthless. It makes me want to gag.’_

Clenching his jaw, he looks down and opens a drawer from the bathroom counter. He shuffles around some stuff until he finds his razor. He stares at it for a moment, just imagining how deep he will insert it into his skin this time. He imagines his veins being ripped open and blood pouring out of them. With his slender right hand, he rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and stares at the raw scars on his pale flesh.

 _‘I’m going to end it. I’m going to end this misery. I won’t be harming anyone but myself. This is what they want right? This is what everyone wants. For me to disappear. It’ll be better this way.’_ He begins to cry again, the pain in his stomach from guilt becomes too unbearable. He can’t leave without saying anything to the people who care or cared about him. Legolas puts the razor down and takes his phone out his pocket and sends a text to his father, who he knew was at work. _‘He probably won’t read it, until it’s too. late.’_

‘Ada...I’m so sorry for making you suffer ever since I was born. I shouldn’t have ever existed. Mom needed all of your attention. I know you only cared for me because you had to, but I’ve been a burden to you all this time. Thank you, though. For everything. Even if I wasn’t the son, you deserved to have. I love you, Ada.’

Sending the text, Legolas next opens up Skype. He’s on invisible, so Gimli won’t know he’s online. ‘ _I don’t know what I would do if he messaged me. I’m afraid he would get angry and tell me how terrible I am.’_ Legolas sighs and then  types a goodbye to Gimli.

‘I know you probably saw everything on Tumblr. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry Gimli. I didn’t want to lie to you, but I didn’t want to burden you with my problems when you already had so many of your own. Mine were nothing compared to yours. I’m sorry, I’m a baby, and I can’t deal with my emotions properly. I’m afraid to get close to people; I feared that if you knew how screwed up I am, you would leave instantly. I didn’t want that….you’re the only friend I ever had. Thank you for wanting to become my friend. I never knew that anyone would ever want even to be friends with such a loser like myself. You deserve better, though. I hope life treats you well. Thank you again, Star.’

 

Legolas drops the phone on the floor after he hits send. His hands are shaking badly, and he never felt this awful in his life. Everything needed to end now. Legolas wondered if he should move the razor across his neck to ensure he wouldn’t survive. ‘ _No, I can’t do that to Ada or Galion….whichever of them finds me. It seems more horrifying.’_ He grabs the razor again, placing the cold metal against his forearm and cuts vertically across one wrist. It’s a mess; the cut is jagged because of his shaky hands. He is light headed already, he sinks to the floor and begins cutting the other wrist but passes out during the process.

\----------------------

Gimli gave up on trying to sleep after a few hours. He decided to check Tumblr to see if Legolas posted anything else. Gimli checked the time and figured Legolas was probably up by now. He didn’t get any messages yet on Skype. He could be the first one to message, but Gimli’s not sure what to say. _‘Do I ask him about the posts? Do I pretend like I never saw them? Do I act normally?’_ Legolas was not online on Skype, anyway, so Gimli decided that he would figure things out when his friend gets online. Now, going to Tumblr like he originally planned. Typing in “livelyleaves.tumblr.com”   he notices that all the negative posts are gone. _‘Maybe, I just dreamed that Legolas reblogged all of those negative posts? Come on, Gimli, don’t be stupid! I know that it wasn’t a dream. I saw the posts last night, probably with many other of Legolas’ other followers. He probably just deleted the posts. I don’t understand why he would post them then just delete them, though? Maybe he has another blog, which he meant to reblog them to. Or maybe he got hate for having them on his blog since it’s usually positive. I hope not; I’ll tell off anyone who disrespects my friend!’_ Gimli sighed getting angry was not going to help. He decided to refresh the page once again, to see if Legolas made any more posts. His eyes lit up when he saw that there was a new text post that Legolas made. Gimli was eager to find out what it said, so he quickly read it over.

Gimli felt his heart sink as he finishes reading the text. So, Legolas did have another blog, and his  ‘livelyleaves’ followers did get upset about the negative posts. Gimli must admit, he also felt a little angry about it. Over the many times that he asked about his life, he always got an ‘I’m okay’ response. Legolas knew Gimli was there for him, and he was willing to listen, but he would always get pushed back. But maybe Legolas couldn't tell him because he felt guilty about it. Maybe he didn't want to make Gimli pity him. _‘Did Legolas really feel that way?’_

Gimli felt his eyes water a little bit. His friend, the person who seemed so full of life, was actually suffering inside. He didn’t know what to do. _‘I wish I was as smart and mature as Legolas. Then maybe I would know how to help him. Maybe I should try messaging him? I don’t want him to think that I’m mad at him because I’m not.’_

Wiping his eyes, he quickly goes and opens Skype. He frowns seeing that Legolas is still offline. _‘I could send him a message, but I don’t want to seem desperate. I guess I can wait a little bit.’_

Looking the time, Gimli realizes that it’s now later in the morning. _‘I should probably take a shower and get dressed.’_

Once Gimli is dressed, he is about to head to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. However, he sees the flash from his phone blink indicating he has a notification.  He picks up his phone and turns on the screen. Noticing that the notification is from Skype he quickly unlocks his phone and goes to the app.   

‘Treasure: I know you probably saw everything on Tumblr. I just wanted to say that I’m so sorry Gimli. I didn’t want to lie to you, but I didn’t want to burden you with my problems when you already had so many of your own. Mine were nothing compared to yours. I’m sorry, I’m a baby, and I can’t deal with my emotions properly. I’m afraid to get close to people; I feared that if you knew how screwed up I am, you would leave instantly. I didn’t want that….you’re the only friend I ever had. Thank you for wanting to become my friend. I never knew that anyone would ever want even to be friends with such a loser like myself. You deserve better, though. I hope life treats you well. Thank you again, Star.’

Gimli felt his heart stop. His eyes started to fill with tears again. _‘Is this?...no. No, it couldn’t be. No please tell me this isn't-’_ Gimli didn’t even want to finish that thought.  He didn’t want to believe what he just read. “Oh god...LEGOLAS!” He didn’t even know he just yelled that out loud. All he heard was white noise. He started to shake as hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

“Please...please tell me he’s not going to…” his whispered as his voice cracked.

Frantically, he scrambles to write a reply

‘Star: LEGSOALS PLEASE LEASE ANSWER BACK OH GOD PLEASE DONT DO WHAT I THINK YOURE GOING TO DO PLEASE LISTEN TO ME IM NOT ANGRY AT U’

‘Star:  YOURE NOT A LOSER. YOURE SO GREAT. THE BEST PERSON I EVER KNOWN!!! ’

‘Star: PLEASE REPLY. ALL OUR TIME WASNT FOR NOTHING. IT CAN’T END LIKE THIS!!’

‘Star: don’t leave me...you’re the best and only treasure i’ve ever gotten.i can’t lose you..’

Gimli began to spam Legolas with multiple messages. However, he had to stop when his hands started shaking so badly that he dropped his phone. His breath hitched and stood there frozen as his mind flooded with thoughts.   _‘I always thought I would go first...I was the one who always talked about emo and depressing things that were happening in my life. I didn’t believe it would turn around so quickly….you can’t leave me now. I need you. I’m so sorry I never knew how badly you were suffering. I should have noticed. I was selfish, I’m so sorry. Please be okay...Legolas. You have to be okay. I don’t even care if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, as long as you’re okay.’_ Gimli feared his nightmare was coming true. He wasn’t going to be able to save Legolas. He wished there was something he could do. But, he did not even know enough information about his friend, so there was nothing more he could do to help. _‘I wish I knew his address or anything. I would walk all the way to his house if he needed me to. But….I just can’t do anything…’_

Forgetting about breakfast, Gimli decided to lay back down. He just stayed in bed all day, thinking about Legolas.

_\-------------------_

Thranduil just got through with a meeting and was heading out to eat with his colleagues. When exiting the building, he checked his phone and saw a text from Legolas. He usually doesn’t message… I wonder why he would all of a sudden.  

_‘Legolas (leaf emoji here):Ada...I’m so sorry for making you suffer ever since I was born. I shouldn’t have ever existed. Mom needed all of your attention. I know you only cared for me because you had to, but I’ve been a burden to you all this time. Thank you, though. For everything. Even if I wasn’t the son, you deserved to have. I love you, Ada.’_

“Son…” Is all Thranduil could manage to say. He feels as if his whole body has turned to stone. This feeling was all too familiar; it felt like deja-vu.  His feet feel glued to the ground, and he is unable to move. His colleagues look back at him and ask if he’s okay, but he cannot hear them. He suddenly runs ahead to his car nearly tripping over his own feet while dialing Legolas’ number in the process. Thranduil frantically hits the call button hoping he can reach him, but it goes to voicemail. _‘Pick up…..please. Damn it! Pick up!!!’_

Clenching his teeth, he looks at his phone and quickly dials 911. He feels tears slip down his face, but he doesn’t care. ‘ _Don’t do this to me son... Please...I can’t lose you too.’_ Managing to tell the emergency dispatcher his address and about Legolas, he drops his phone and speeds home. Racing upstairs to Legolas’ room and notices that it’s locked. He doesn’t have time to get the key to Legolas’ room, so he kicks the door down. Entering the room, he sees the bathroom door slightly ajar. He can already see the blood seeping through the crack.

“L-Legolas?! Son?! Oh dear God..!” He rushes over to the door and swings it open, and his eyes widen. Memories suddenly flow through his head, as he sees his son on the floor bleeding from his wrists, and he envisions his wife laying lifelessly and cold.   

_\--------------------_

_Thranduil came home from work, the nanny, Ayla, was not due to bring Legolas home for another hour. He sighed, it was difficult taking care of both his wife and his son, at least getting a nanny made things easier. His wife, Estariel, was not too happy about having Legolas being taken care of by someone other than her. Thranduil knew that Estariel loved Legolas, but she could not be trusted to care for him. The last time, Thranduil left Legolas alone with Estariel, their son was in the cold bathtub crying. That was the last time he would have Legolas stay alone with his wife. He felt terrible about taking him away from her, but it was for the best. Legolas could have drowned if he didn’t get there in time. Not to mention, that Legolas was a fragile child. He would often get sick from the littlest of things._

_It wasn’t Estariel’s fault; she had depression and schizoaffective disorder. He knew that little Legolas was the only thing that kept her happy and stable at times, but he was aware that her condition had worsened. She refused to take her medication after he was born because she believed that Legolas “cured” her mental illnesses. She was delusional of course, but Thranduil couldn’t go against her wishes unless he wanted to have her committed to a mental hospital. She was once a bright and cheerful person back then. Her smile could light up an entire stadium, but now her smile has faded.  ‘Everything was perfect back then. Everything was normal.’ No...he couldn't think that way. Things were perfect now. He had a beautiful little boy with the person he truly loved. What more could he ask for? It is stressful at times, having to take care of unstable person as well as a child, but he loved them. They were his family, and he was committed to his roles as a husband and father. He knew they always came first for everything._

_Estariel barges toward her husband and interrupts his train of thought._

_“So, you finally decided to come home? I had to stay home all day with nothing to do. I could be taking care of our son, but you took him away from me! I’m a great mother; I love him way more than you ever could! ….Speaking of Legolas, where is he? He should have come home with you. And, I’m the unfit parent? You probably killed him and paid someone to cover it up. You would do that to me. Just to make me miserable!”_

_“Estariel….calm down. Legolas is fine. You don’t have to worry about him. I had to take him away because you left him unattended in the bathtub.” He croons. “I know you say you can take care of him, but your actions tell me otherwise. I couldn’t risk that anymore. Please understand, love.”_

_He reaches out to take her hands, but she jerks them away from him._

_“Don’t touch me!” She screams at him. “You just want Legolas all to yourself! Well, he’s my child too! You just can’t trust me anymore, is that it?! That’s what you’re trying to say! I was perfectly stable until you took him away! I hate you! I swear to god I hate you! You ruin everything for me!” She begins to cry and runs upstairs._

_Thranduil is about to go after her but his phone rings. It’s Ayla, the nanny, her car won’t start, so she can’t bring Legolas home. He tells Ayla that he will be there to pick up his son._

_Grabbing his keys off the counter, he heads over to her house. Alya and Legolas greet him at the door. Legolas moves his hands in the direction of his father, and Thranduil picks him up. They thank Ayla and say goodbye to her and then head back to the car._

_“Alright my little Leaf, all set?” He says as he buckles Legolas in his car seat   “Ayla told me you were a good boy again, so how about I treat you with some ice cream. Sound good?”_

_Legolas grins at his father showing his small pearly teeth. “Yes, Ada! I want ice cream!”_

_“Alright then, let’s go get a treat,” Thranduil responds smiling warmly._

_The pair goes to a shop close by to get ice cream. They end up having some father and son time._

_Nearly forgetting about the fight he had with his wife earlier, he drives home. Thranduil is glad he was able to spend some quality time with his son. It was moments like these that made him feel as if his role of being a father paid off._

_They arrived home and headed inside. Once they were in the house, the atmosphere was cold;  something felt off. Thranduil couldn’t explain why but he could sense something was wrong. But the question was what was it? Feeling a knot in his stomach, he tells Legolas to stay in the living room as he rushes upstairs to his bedroom._

_The door is locked, and he knocks once. “Estariel? Open the door. I’m sorry about earlier; I didn’t mean to upset you...Legolas is home. Don’t you want to see our son?” He sighs hearing no movement or effort to open the door. Fumbling with the keys in his hands, he finds the one for the master bedroom and opens the door._

_He opens the door, but Estariel is not in sight. He is about to leave to another part of the house, but he takes a second look and walks over to the other side of the bed. His face fills with horror as he sees a puddle of blood surrounding his wife._

_Quickly, takes her body into his arms. She has gone pale and Thranduil checks for her pulse and didn't find one._

_“Estariel...” His voice cracks as his eyes blur over with tears not being able to say anything else. ‘Why would you do this? You used to be happy….so happy. Why would you leave me….why would you leave us? Legolas will grow up without a mother. You may not have been the best mother, but he still loves you very much. I love you very much. This can’t be happening…please tell me this isn’t real’ Thranduil puts a hand over his face and sobs._

_His cries echo through the house, alerting his three-year-old son downstairs. Legolas felt uneasy; he never heard his father cry before. Something must be wrong. He was supposed to stay downstairs, but he thought his father needed help. Legolas climbs the stairs and runs toward his father’s bedroom._

_“Ada..?” His soft voice calls out. “Ada, are you okay?”_

_Legolas can see Thranduil kneeling by the side of the bed. After getting no response, he walks over to his father. “Ada, are-” Legolas pales at the sight before him, he’s not entirely sure how to process this scenario. But he knows that his mother is bleeding from her wrist; she remains completely still while his father holds her tightly in his arms._

_“Ada?” His voice trembles as tears roll down his innocent face. “Why is mommy not moving?”_

_Startled by the voice of his son, Thranduil looks up, and his eyes widen. “Stay back! Don’t come any closer Legolas! I thought I told you to stay downstairs!”_

_Thranduil’s voice scares Legolas causing the small boy to jump. His father has never yelled at him before. “What happened to mommy? I want mommy to wake up. Ada do something to help her!” Legolas whines and begs for his father to do something._

_Feeling guilty for yelling at him, Thranduil stands up laying his wife’s lifeless body on the bed and walks over to his son._

_“I wish I could son...I wish I could. “ His eyes fill with tears again as he hugs Legolas tightly not caring about the blood that has stained his shirt._

_Legolas gets a full view of his mother’s body when Thranduil lays her down. He becomes paralyzed with fear. He does not move, not even when his father hugs him. In fact, the blood on Thranduil’s shirt terrifies Legolas further. He holds his breath when some of the blood rubs off onto his body. But, this action makes his head hurt way more than it already does. Legolas’ world goes dark; he faints against his father._

_Feeling a small weight hit his chest, Thranduil begins to panic. “Legolas?! Legolas, wake up...I can’t lose you too…” He checks his son over and realizes he is still breathing. He sighs in relief. He looks over at his wife’s body one more time and leans over kissing her softly on her head for the last time._

_“You won’t be suffering anymore...rest easy my love.” Holding back tears he walks out of the of the room as he reaches for his phone with a trembling hand and calls the police._

_\--------------_

Thranduil kneels down on the floor and checks for a pulse. He finds a weak one and pulls Legolas into his laps, with his hands he applies pressure on his son’s wrists. “Legolas...hang on. Don’t you die on me! Help is on the way! They will be here any second!”

  
Thranduil stays on the floor for what he believes is hours, holding onto his son’s body, rocking him gently. In reality, it was only about a minute until the paramedics enter the room and take his son from his arms and move onto the stretcher and into the ambulance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, if this fanfiction is not very good, but it is our first time posting fanfiction. We put a lot of time and effort into this work.  
> \-----  
> Also, Gimli is supposed to be that cringe worthy in his messages. He is young and doesn't know any better. We were thinking back to those times when we were younger and wrote so horribly online. He won't always text like that.
> 
> This is a modern AU, so everyone in the story is human. But Legolas calls Thranduil "Ada" because it is another language. Thranduil grew up in a bilingual home and learned both english and "elvish". Thranduil knows many more languages now, but he taught Legolas this one. He called his father Adar/Ada so he thinks it is fitting Legolas calls him that too.
> 
> The next chapter should be posted soon.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated.


	2. My Head Just Won’t Die

_ The Darkness in the Corner of Your Smile _

 -

         Chapter 2: My Head Just Won’t Die

                         -

“Quotations” = Speech

_ ‘Italics’ _ = Thoughts

_ Italics _ = Flashback

\----------------------------

It’s been three months since Gimli last heard from Legolas. Gimli assumed that his best friend was dead. He hoped that maybe Legolas didn’t do anything drastic and is still alive and just cut ties with him. However, that seems unlikely Legolas hasn’t been on his Tumblr or any social media either. He didn’t know his personal Tumblr either, but Gimli has a feeling that Legolas hasn’t used that in a while either.

Gimli sighs getting out of bed. It is still hard to think about Legolas, but Gimli is grateful that he has his older sister for support. His father, Gloin, was getting annoyed at Gimli for being so depressed because he was neglecting all his usual “chores.”  Gloin ended up calling his daughter, Gilda, and she came home. However, Gilda has been living on her own for a couple of years now, and she decided to take Gimli back to her house to live with her. She was originally planning on coming back for her little brother when she had a stable job, enough money, and a nicer place. Gilda believes that her current job can support the both of them well enough, so they moved a few towns over. 

 

After taking a shower and getting dressed, Gimli walks into the kitchen to have breakfast with his sister. He sits down at the table that is already set with two plates and forks.  Gilda is dressed in her work uniform and is making bacon and eggs for the both of them. She puts the servings on their plates and joins Gimli at the table. Flashing him a wide smile, she asks him how he was feeling today. 

 

Lying to Gloin was an easy task, but lying to Gilda was something Gimli never managed to do in his life. His sister has always been there to support him. She became a mother figure to him when theirs left, and if he was honest she was a hell of a lot better at the job than his actual mother. Gilda looked after Gimli even when she was around, so they have always been close to each other. His sister might have left the house when she was eighteen but she stayed in touch and visited. Her main motivation for leaving was raising enough money so she could care for her little brother and get him away from their alcoholic father. 

 

“I’m still upset about….what happened. But, I’m learning to deal with it a lot better thanks to your help. I feel a lot better than I did a few months ago.” He says giving her a genuine smile. It was true, he did feel better. It still hurt but he knew he could get through this pain as long as Gilda was there for support. 

 

“I’m glad, Gimli, and if you ever need to talk about it more, I’m always here for you.”  

 

“I know. Thank you.” 

 

The two continue eating their breakfast and have light small talk until Gilda has to go to work. It’s the weekend but she has to work everyday to earn enough money for all their expenses. Gimli always felt guilty that his sister has done so much for him. He wished that he could do something in return. Maybe he can get a part-time job during summer or something. He probably wouldn't earn much, but he knew it would be something to at least buy Gilda a thank you gift. 

 

Watching from the doorway, Gimli waved as he watched Gilda’s car pull out of the driveway and continued to watch it until it disappeared down the road.  His smile faded slightly as turned and closed the door. He stood there for a minute as his thoughts wandered. He wished he could've talked to Legolas about his sister. Maybe she could've helped Legolas out and all this wouldn't have happened. He should've been a better friend to Legolas too. He felt like an asshole that he always talked about himself. He should’ve insisted more. Maybe Legolas would've told him how he truly felt. 

 

Gimli felt tears swell up in his eyes. He clutched his shirt as he felt a sharp throb in his chest. The guilt he felt grew stronger. He tried to ignore it the best he could, but it was always there. He couldn't get rid of it until he truly knew if Legolas was alive or dead. How could anyone live like this? Knowing that a person you really cared about just faded away without any hopes of ever knowing you'll be able to talk to them again. 

 

He suddenly fell to his knees as his thoughts continued to invade him. Tears dripped down onto the hard floor as he tried to calm himself. 

 

“I'm so sorry Legolas. I really am. I should’ve been a better friend to you. Please if you could hear me...please come back. I miss you so much. I just wish I could talk to you one last time.” 

Gimli whispered in a hoarse voice. He knew saying this wouldn't change anything. Legolas was gone. He won't be coming back and if he did Gimli would probably be the last person he'd want to talk to. 

 

Taking a deep breath Gimli stood back up feeling a little pathetic for his outburst he just had. He knew Gilda wouldn't have wanted to see him like this. He made a promise to himself that he would be nothing, but happy around her too. She really did make him feel better after everything that happened. Maybe he should just focus on keeping his sister happy and not make her worry too much for him. 

 

Smiling at that thought, Gimli heads back upstairs deciding to draw a little something for Gilda before she comes home. She deserves nice things, so hopefully this will brighten her up a little bit. Gimli picks up his pencil and quickly sketches an outline of the picture and continues to draw it until it's the afternoon.

Satisfied by the picture, he stretches his arms up and yawns a bit _. ‘I really hope she likes it.’  _ Smiling, he sets his pencil down and sits back for a moment. Gimli sees his phone blinking indicating that he has a new message. He sighs, he doesn’t really want to talk to anyone.  But he decides to see what the message says in case it’s important.  _ Yeah like anyone needs me for anything. _ He looks at the phone screen and almost drops his phone. His lock screen indicates that he has a new message from Legolas. _ ‘Is this some joke? Did someone hack into his account?’  _ He quickly opens the message to see what it says. 

 

‘Treasure: Hi Gimli. I wanted to say I’m sorry for not contacting you after all these months. I couldn’t face anything after what happened. I needed some time away for all of this. I think I let the guilt eat away at me too much. It consumed me and I became ill. I’ve spent the past months in the the hospital and I didn’t have access to the internet. I’m not sure that would have mattered anyway in my state. I don’t have much time to talk to you. I can only use my phone and computer on the weekends. Well, I can use the internet on weekdays under supervision and I’d rather not have our conversations be public. I’m truly sorry for my previous actions, I understand if you never want to speak with me again. I did come up as rather rude and you deserve so much better. But, I hope maybe we can continue talking. I thought about a lot during the past few months. Thoughts of you were my only comfort. However, I’m not trying to force you to be my friend or guilt trip you or anything. If you don’t want to feel free to tell me or just ignore this message.’   

 

Gimli stares at the message. He didn’t know how to react. _‘Is this really Legolas? Is he...really alive? He was just in the hospital?’_ He rubbed his face as he stood up and paced around for a bit. He just couldn’t believe it. One second he was just thinking about him and suddenly he receives a message from him. ‘ _It’s really him._ _He came back and wants to talk to me.’_

 

Overfilled with joy, he sits back down and with a shaky hand he grabs his phone and rereads the message. Quickly he begins typing his response. 

 

‘Star: legolas! it’s really you??? you came back! i’m so happy ;w; i was so worried about you. i just thought the worst happened….i thought i would never talk to you again. of course i still want to be your friend. even if we can only talk on the weekends it’s better than nothing. you’re the best friend i’ve ever had. i wouldn’t ever want to lose you. you don’t have to apologize to me. i understand that you were going through a rough time. i do wish you could be more open with me and share your problems. i would be happy to help. i don’t care how minor you believe the problems are or if i’m dealing with any of my own problems. you can still talk to me about anything that is bothering you. you deserve to be happy too.  also i’m sorry to hear that you were in the hospital. that must have been tough, i can’t even imagine. but you’re okay now right? you would tell if you weren’t…..right?’

\------------------------------------

Thranduil drives Legolas home for the first time in three months. Legolas has been staying in a residential program ever since his suicide attempt. Thranduil didn’t want to send his son away but he did not want a repeat of what happened with his wife. Legolas was all he had left. He wanted to do all he could to prevent losing his son, so this treatment program was for the best. Legolas probably had at least another three months left before he was able to leave. But now it was decided that he was ready to have home passes which meant that he could come home on weekends. 

 

The ride is mostly silent. Thranduil doesn’t object because it is early in the morning and he can tell that Legolas is still tired. Deciding to break the silence, Thranduil speaks up. 

 

“Hey son, how about we go get some ice cream? I know you used to love going out to eat some with me when you were younger.”  He says as he glances at his son.

 

Legolas lifts his head off of the window to respond. “Yeah sure, Ada, that would be nice.” He tries to sound sincere but his voice is flat and monotone. He didn’t want any ice cream, but he didn’t want to upset his father. So he played his part and acted how he was supposed to; he acted as what everyone else would classify as normal. But in reality he still wasn’t normal and he wasn’t sure he would ever be. The meds they prescribed him did help a little but most of all they just made him feel empty inside. He felt like a blank page in his sketch book, hoping to be filled with life.  _ I wonder if Gimli can help me? I need him to release me from this never ending vacuity and paint the walls of my mind, replete with emotions.  _ Legolas leaned his head back against the window and held back his tears. His thought was just a fantasy. Gimli probably wouldn’t forgive him. ‘ _ Why would he when I lied to him? I’ve been such a terrible friend. Not to mention that I haven’t even messaged him in three months. It’s not my fault but still I can’t help but feel guilty. Well, I guess I deserve to feel guilty because if my plan worked out….I wouldn’t message Gimli ever...I think I should send him a message when I get home, if Ada lets me use my phone or laptop. I could probably get him to. He wouldn’t let me use my phone on visits. I can only make supervised phone calls and uses computers that monitor my actions. There was no point in that. So now is my only chance at contacting Gimli. Or else I’ll have to wait until I get released and who knows when that will be? But even if I contact him the chance of him wanting to be my friend again is slim. I should come up with another plan to feel something again. But what? I could ask to change my meds again. I don’t want to do that though because I already changed them a few times. The other ones made me nauseous and I couldn’t sleep or  they affected my mood and I felt more anxious and irritable than I already am. I guess feeling empty is better than those options. I-’   _

 

Legolas’ thoughts are interrupted by his father’s voice. “We’re here,” Thranduil says smiling at him. He pulls his head once again off of the window and meets his father's eyes. “Okay, Ada, come on let’s go,” Legolas says offering a light smile in return, however, it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

 

The pair get out of the black Mercedes-Benz and headed inside the ice cream shop. Thranduil walks over to the counter with Legolas following behind him. The girl at the counter looked up to meet the tall man’s eyes, she smiled at him and waited a few minutes while he looked over the menu. Thranduil saw many unique flavors such “bacon ice cream”,“curry mint ice cream”, “goat cheese ice cream” and so many more, but he skipped over the rest he wasn’t interested. He settled on a simple banana split. Looking behind him,  he asks Legolas what his order would be. 

 

“Legolas, what would you like?”

 

The girl at the counter is shocked to see a boy that is almost like a mini version of the handsome man in front of her. However, she is not shocked by the fact that the boy looks his father; that is normal. She is shocked because he looks so depressed. The eyeliner he is wearing doesn’t do him any justice. If anything it only highlights the sadness within the boy’s eyes. He doesn’t even seem to know what is going on right now. She sees him jump at the sound of his father’s voice and give a disorientated look. She gives him a sad smile but he doesn’t seem to be paying attention. He says something barely audible to his father and retreats back to hiding behind the tall figure. Sighing she continues to stare at the boy when she hears someone clearing their throat and she looks up fast. 

 

“One vanilla scoop in a cup and one banana split please.” He says seeming a little impatient. 

 

“Oh yes! I’m sorry. Coming right up!” she blushes slightly as she clumsily hurries to complete their orders and nearly drops them in the process. 

 

“Here you go! One vanilla cone and banana split! “She says with a smile hoping for a smile back from him. She probably wouldn’t have a chance with him, but just seeing him smile would make her day.  

 

She notices the boy’s father give her a funny look.

 

“I asked for it in a cup, not a cone.” he says in an angry tone . “I just wanted to start the day with my son without any mess ups and you clearly had to ruin that.” 

 

The girl suddenly freezes up not knowing what to say or do. She clearly has made the man angry.

 

“Ada, it’s fine. I don’t care. Just pay, so we can leave,” Legolas says feeling embarrassed. He reads her name tag it says “Thea.”  _ Thea may have made a mistake but she doesn’t deserve to be yelled at. I don’t even want any stupid ice cream anyway.  _

 

“I’m sorry about my father, Thea,” he says in a low shy voice. “He gets..worked up. Come on, Ada.” 

 

The boy turns quickly and walks to the door not even waiting for his father to follow him or taking the ice cream. 

 

With a frown, he pays for the treats and takes the ice cream and follows his son outside, not even giving her a thanks. 

 

“Legolas stop.” Thranduil says as he tries to catch up to him. “Why did you apologize to her? She clearly made a mistake that could've been easily avoided. Stop walking and listen to me!”

 

“Well she didn’t deserve to be yelled at. Everyone makes mistakes.” Legolas says as he turns around to look at his father. “I didn’t even want ice cream in the first place! I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to make you upset. I know you’re trying to act like everything's okay, but you know it’s not. I’m sorry Ada. I just...I want to go home and forget that I’m like mom. I know you put me in that home because you couldn’t do it for mom. You couldn’t send her away. You couldn’t save her but you don’t have to blame yourself though... It p-probably won't save me either.” Legolas turns his back to Thranduil and gets inside the car. 

 

Thranduil is astonished at the crude language that is coming out of his son’s mouth. _‘How can he be so disrespectful? I've raised him better than that. He's acting like I'm some sort of monster. I'm not the bad guy here. I'm just trying to do whatever is best for him. Why can't Legolas see that? Oh what has happened to you, my little leaf.’_ He reminisces for a moment but comes back to reality when Legolas mentions his mother. Clenching his jaw, he gets inside the car. 

 

Legolas is leaning against the window again; his face remains hidden. His frame is shaking slightly, this could be due to fear of the altercation continuing or simply because he is crying.  Thranduil thinks it's best not to say anything. He doesn't want to make the situation worse.  He starts the car and heads home. 

 

The car ride is silent on their way home.  Thranduil glances to see if Legolas has taken a bite from his ice cream, but it's remains in the cup holder. He just remembered he hasn't taken a bite from his own ice cream either. ‘ _ I guess we bought it for nothing.’  _

 

They finally arrive home. Legolas gets out and heads straight to the door, not even waiting for his father to get out. Galion opens the door, but Legolas just walks pass him without greeting him. Galion glances at Thranduil, but he shakes his head slightly.

 

Legolas heads straight to his room and collapses onto his bed. He sighs and looks around, the door is fixed and all the blood is cleaned up. He still feels guilty about what he did and that Galion probably had to clean up after him.  _ ‘I should have been a nicer to Galion But I’m not in a good mood right now and I don’t know if I can say anything to him without feeling a knot in my stomach. I guess I can make it up to him later.’  _  From the corner of his eye he sees his macbook on his desk and quickly goes over to it. Turning on the laptop, he enters his passcode and is relieved that everything is in order.  _ ‘Now is my chance to message Gimli.’  _

 

Feeling his heart pound, he moves his cursor to the Skype icon and opens it. His hands begin to shake in fear so it’s harder to type his message but he pushes through and manages to type something decent. Quickly reading over his message he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as he hits send. 

 

‘Treasure: Hi Gimli. I wanted to say I’m sorry for not contacting you after all these months. I couldn’t face anything after what happened. I needed some time away for all of this. I think I let the guilt eat away at me too much. It consumed me and I became ill. I’ve spent the past months in the the hospital and I didn’t have access to the internet. I’m not sure that would have mattered anyway in my state. I don’t have much time to talk to you. I can only use my phone and computer on the weekends. Well, I can use the internet on weekdays under supervision and I’d rather not have our conversations be public. I’m truly sorry for my previous actions, I understand if you never want to speak with me again. I did come up as rather rude and you deserve so much better. But, I hope maybe we can continue talking. I thought about a lot during the past few months. Thoughts of you were my only comfort. However, I’m not trying to force you to be my friend or guilt trip you or anything. If you don’t want to feel free to tell me or just ignore this message.’

 

Legolas tries to calm himself.  _ ‘Was this really a good idea? What if he hates me for just abandoning him? He probably forgot about me and moved on already...I can’t really blame him though, I was shitty friend. I shouldn’t have lied to him…. Well if that’s the case and he did move on.... I hope he’s happy. Gimli deserves to be happy. I don’t deserve anything.’  _

 

He sits back in his chair thinking for a bit. With a trembling hand he reaches inside his drawers and feels around for his razor. He sighs.  _ ‘Ada probably searched my room completely to see if I had any other razors...I guess it’s for the best, I would probably have to stay in residential treatment longer if they found out I hurt myself. I just got home passes so I shouldn’t fuck up…’  _

 

A noise comes from his computer indicating that he a new Skype message.  _ ‘Oh god. This is it, this is when he tells me he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and how pathetic I am for even bothering to ask. Should I even look at it? I already suspect what he's going to tell me so what's the point?….But maybe I should look, I won’t be able to look at in a few days from now and it will bother me all week.’ _ Legolas forces himself to open the message, he practices the breathing exercises he was taught to help him with panic attacks and then reads the message.  

 

‘Star: legolas! it’s really you??? you came back! i’m so happy ;w; i was so worried about you. i just thought the worst happened….i thought i would never talk to you again. of course i still want to be your friend. even if we can only talk on the weekends it’s better than nothing. you’re the best friend i’ve ever had. i wouldn’t ever want to lose you. you don’t have to apologize to me. i understand that you were going through a rough time. i do wish you could be more open with me and share your problems. i would be happy to help. i don’t care how minor you believe the problems are or if i’m dealing with any of my own problems. you can still talk to me about anything that is bothering you. you deserve to be happy too.  also i’m sorry to hear that you were in the hospital. that must have been tough, i can’t even imagine. but you’re okay now right? you would tell if you weren’t…..right?’

 

Legolas stared at the message in disbelief.  _ He's not mad? Did gimli...really say he wants to be his friend still?’  _ Some tears fall down his face and smear his eyeliner even more. ‘ _ I don't deserve it though…No I will be better friend. I'll be one Gimli truly deserves.’   _ He wipes his face and writes out a reply. 

 

‘Treasure: I'm so sorry for causing you to worry. You're too kind, Gimli, I actually started crying. I don't deserve your friendship. However, I will try my best to be a better friend to you. I won't lie to you anymore; I will be more open with you….I don't know if I'm okay. I don't really feel anything anymore. But I still do think that it's vast improvement from a few months ago. Today is the first time I smiled in all that time. I'm glad you want to be my friend! c:’ 

‘Star: ahh im sorry for making you cry!! youre gonna make me cry ;-; but thank you i really appreciate it! i see that must be tough but im glad i made you smile. it will be my goal to make you happy everyday! :D im so excited i can't believe we are friends again asdfghjkl best day!! ;w;’ 

 

Smiling through tears, Legolas reads the message. He was so happy to have been able to talk to Gimli again. Maybe things will be better now.  _ ‘They have to…’   _

 

‘Treasure: Hey Gimli? Do you want to watch a movie together? I haven’t been able to see anything good in a while. If you’re busy or don’t want to it's okay, but let me know if you can. We can also video chat if you want to. I know you haven't seen how I look yet, so I guess this is a good opportunity to show myself haha.’ 

 

Gimli nearly drops his phone on his face and sits up fast. _ ‘Legolas wants to video chat?! But I look gross! I haven't even brushed my hair yet! ….I am curious on how he looks though. Maybe I can fix my hair quickly? Ah no it’s too messy, whatever. He might want some time to get ready before we watch a movie, plus we need time to think of something to watch. Even if I don’t have time to fix it, I’ll still video chat with him, messy hair and all. I don’t want to miss this opportunity. I hope he’s not just doing this because he feels bad about happened. I don’t want him to feel pressured into video chatting with me. I’m wasting too much time thinking about this, I don’t want him to think that I’m not interested.’  _ He rushes to write a response in agreement to the movie. 

 

‘Star: ernkgreng omg yeah sure!! this seems like so much fun! :D but are you sure you want to video chat? i don’t want to pressure you into showing me your face or video chatting with me. just talking about the movie would be cool too. but if youre okay with video chatting then i would love to. i’m curious what you look like. i bet you’re beautiful haha. also did you have any movies in mind or do you want me to suggest something??? or we can look for something cool together? c:’ 

‘Treasure: Don’t worry, I want to video chat. I want to be more open with you; I want to be a better friend and I shouldn’t hide myself from you all the time. I think this is a nice way for me to start being more open. I believe it will be a fun experience too. But, you think I’m beautiful? Haha thank you, but I’m not. I’m pretty below average. I’m very thin---well I used to be underweight but I had gain some weight while I was in the hospital, but my frame is still small. I also have permanent dark circles under my eyes. I sometimes hide them with concealer but I couldn’t be bothered. Also, before we watch any movie. I’ll need a few minutes to wipe off all this makeup because I ruined it by crying. Sorry, that’s embarrassing. But anyway, I didn’t have any movie in mind. I like your suggestions. So if you can think of something that would be cool. If not we can both look up some movies online. c:’ 

‘Star: yay i look forward to it! :D and omg pls legolas i’m sure youre beautiful af. i have flaws too everyone does. i’m kinda overweight and chubby and i probably look older than i am since i already have some facial hair haha. don’t worry we both show our faces. but maybe we can watch the movie holes? i think that would be fun to watch together. :) also ahh okay that’s fine i need to fix my hair anyway.’ 

‘Treasure: Thank you Gimli but you look nice too. I’ve already seen what you look like and you're beautiful too. You don’t look chubby or anything, you seem pretty youthful too. c: Holes sounds like a great choice. We can watch the movie in about 15 minutes. Is that good for you?’ 

‘Star: asdfghjkl; pls thank you legolas you’re too sweet! :’) that is good for me, ill see you in 15 minutes! :D’ 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Legolas smiles at Gimli’s response and gets up from his desk and heads to the bathroom connected to his room. A shiver runs down his spine, this is the first time he’s been in here since he was bleeding out on the floor. Trying to remain calm, Legolas reaches into a drawer and grabs the package of makeup wipes and uses one to wipe the smeared eyeliner from his eyes. He discards it into the trash bin then stares at himself in the mirror. ‘ _Disgusting like always._ _I can’t face Gimli like this. I need to cover up; I should reapply my makeup to look presentable.’_  He reaches back into the drawer to take his supplies. He applies the concealer under his eyes to cover up the dark circles. Then he takes the eyeliner and carefully applies it around his eyes. Once satisfied with the makeup, he quickly fixes his hair into a fishtail braid and then heads back over to his desk. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Gimli puts his phone down and quickly grabs his brush to fix his hair. He manages to get out all of the knots and decides to leave it down. ‘ _ I wish my hair wasn’t so goddamn curly.’ _ He sighs then gets out his laptop and once it’s loaded he messages Legolas to let his friend know that he was ready to watch the movie.  __

‘Star: hey legolas im ready whenever you are! :3’

‘Treasure: Hey Gimli, I’m ready to watch the movie. I’ll call you in a second.’ 

 

Legolas puts on his headphones and with a deep breath he clicks the call icon.  Gimli answers quickly and their first face to face interaction begins. Legolas is still trying to calm his nerves and waits for Gimli to speak first. He tries not to stare but can’t help but notice how nice Gimli looks. Gimli’s curly ginger hair is down and he is wearing a  plain short sleeved white tee, and regular in the ear headphones. 

 

“OH MY GOD HEY!,” Gimli says blushing a bit. He looks over his friend’s appearance. Legolas had straight blond hair that hung over his right shoulder; it was braided neatly in a fishtail. There was green and white wireless Beats headphones on top of his companion’s head. Gimli noticed that Legolas was also wearing a black long sleeved sweater with a dog on it that was way too big for his lithe frame.  _ ‘Man, he’s gorgeous. I pictured him with dark hair but I think it being blond better.’ _

 

“H-hey...Gimli,” Legolas says a little softer than he intended, He lets out a shaky breath and continues, “It’s nice to meet you face to face.” Legolas smiles slightly at his friend.  _ ‘I’m blowing it! I have no idea what to say, I’m so awkward please kill me now.’ _

 

“Nice to meet you face to face too! You’re so pretty! Can I look like you?,” Gimli says laughing a bit, but he blushes more. 

 

Legolas flushes, he’s never been called pretty before, of course Gimli has called him pretty many times but that was before he knew what Legolas actually looked like. _ ‘Is he just joking? Or is he being serious. I don’t know. Why is talking so hard?’  _ Legolas plays with his hair nervously. “Thank you, Gimli. But I prefer you stay the way you are; I like your look.” 

 

“You keep making blush. Pleeeaaassseee. It’s too much, thank you though!” Gimli says as he remains focused on Legolas and maintaining eye contact. However, he can tell Legolas is nervous and looks down quite a bit.  _ ‘I wish I could make him more comfortable. Maybe we should start the movie, so it wouldn’t be so awkward for him.’  _

 

“No problem...ummm…” Gimli cuts him off so Legolas doesn’t have to try and think of something else to say. “Do you want to start the movie now? I sent the link in the chat,” He says offering his friend a warm smile. 

 

Legolas couldn’t help but smile back, “Yeah, I got it. Let’s watch the movie.” 

 

Gimli starts the countdown and they both hit play on 3 and they began watching the movie “Holes.” 

 

They remain mostly silent while watching the movie. Gimli glances at Legolas to see how he was doing from time to time. His friend’s face remained neutral throughout the whole movie, however, his eyes were very expressive and they held all of Legolas’ emotions. Gimli smiles and looks back at the movie.

 

Legolas was too busy focused on the movie to notice Gimli watching him instead of the movie. He thought about looking at Gimli, but he didn’t want to make awkward eye contact. So, Legolas kept his concentration on the film. He wanted to take in all the details, so he wouldn’t forget anything in case Gimli wanted to talk it later. 

 

The pair finished the movie and for once Legolas broke the silence. 

 

“That was a really good movie. I liked the friendship between Zero and Stanley.” 

 

“Me too! They had a really nice relationship.” Gimli responded back happily knowing that Legolas liked them too. 

 

Legolas smiled and conversed with Gimli about the movie in detail for about an hour until his father call his name. “Sorry Gimli, My father is calling for me, hang on.” 

 

Gimli nods at him, “Okay that’s fine. I’ll be here when you get back.”

 

Legolas smiles slightly then presses the button to mute his microphone and exits the room. He heads to his father’s bedroom.

 

“Yes Ada, what is it?,” he says a little too quickly, indicating that he did not want to be bothered with whatever Thranduil had to say. 

 

“It’s time for your pills,” Thranduil says as he holds out his hand with two pills, and the other hand holding a glass of water. 

 

Legolas rolls his eyes, “I already took my pills, Ada, I don’t need these. They don’t do anything for me. I feel nothing.” 

 

Thranduil frowns. “The doctor said to take them in the morning and at night. You are going to take them. Here.”

 

“But Ada, it’s not even nighttime yet. I can take them before I go to sleep,” Legolas said in a pleading tone. 

 

“No, Legolas, you’re supposed to take them the same time everyday.You already took your dose at 7 am and it’s almost 7 pm which means it’s time for your next dose. Now don’t argue with me me Legolas. I don’t know what’s gotten into you. But these meds help you function. You are to take them, eat dinner, and after that you are to go to bed, understand? ”

 

“What if I don’t want to take them.” Legolas says suddenly and looks away. “What do I even need them for? It’s not like they’re going to make me feel better. You’re treating me just like mom. Like I’m nothing more than a mental case.”   

 

Anger erupts from inside of Thranduil. How could his son be talking to him like that? He just wants Legolas to follow what the doctor told him, nothing more. The glass of water falls to the floor and without thinking he suddenly hits Legolas hard across the cheek.

 

“Do not speak of your mother like that ever again!” Thranduil’s voice booms across the room. “She was not a mental case to me, she was my wife and your mother. Now you are going to take these pills and go straight to your room. Understand?!” 

 

On the ground, Legolas trembles a bit as he raises his hand to his burning cheek. There is a huge red hand print that is clearly visible. Tears start to stream down his face. He pushes himself up off the ground with his hands, he stumbles a bit, but runs out the room.

\------------------------------------

Thranduil stares at his son on the floor and feels nothing; he’s blinded by rage. He’s getting impatient. Legolas needs to take the pills and get out of his sight. But instead Legolas runs from the room before he can take the medication. He looks down at the shattered glass and calls for Galion to clean it up. He grabs his keys leaves the room as Galion is cleaning it. He thinks about heading to Legolas’ room, he still didn’t take his pills but decides against it. He was still too angry at the boy. He puts Legolas’ medication away and leaves the house. Thranduil drives off in his car and ends up at the cemetery. He sighs and gets out the car and heads over to the grave marked ‘Estariel Greenwood: Loving Mother and Wife. January 20, 1980 - February 6, 2006.’ He sat down on the grass and began speaking. 

 

“I wish you were still here, love. I need you. It’s so hard raising Legolas; I feel like I’m failing. I’m so sorry for taking him away from you, I shouldn’t have done that. I was just afraid you might accidentally hurt him, I knew you would never hurt on purpose, but if you did on accident, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself….I hurt him. I didn’t mean to, but he mentioned you and I got so upset, Estariel. You were such a lovely person and I wish he could see that; but he doesn’t remember. I wish he didn’t remember that I slapped him, but he will. He was on the crying and I didn’t do anything. I know I acted like I was better parent than you were, but it’s not true. I’m terrible at it, I just tried to pretend for Legolas’ sake. You were always great with getting him to stop crying and showing him love and affection. I think if you were here, it would help him a lot Estariel….You both could probably understand each other far better than I could ever understand you or him. Our son is mentally ill Estariel, he has depression and anxiety...the psychiatrist believes he could have schizoaffective disorder. They don’t want to diagnose him right away because he has only had a few episodes. But he’s starting to show symptoms and since you had that disorder, his chance of having is increased….Legolas is so much like you, it hurts. He loves nature and animals, just as you did...When he argues with me, I swear it’s just like you’re yelling at me. He even looks likes you, everyone says that he looks exactly like me, but it’s not true. He has your eyes, your smile, your laugh...everything. I hope his fate isn’t the same as yours...It’s getting late, it’s already dark out. I should go, I need to make up with Legolas...Thank you for leaving me with such a wonderful gift, I’ll try to care for our little leaf the best I can,” Thranduil says rubbing his eyes. He gets up and drives back home to talk with Legolas.      

\------------------------------------

Legolas runs back to his bedroom and locks the door quickly and sinks to the floor crying. 

 

He almost forgets that he is still in a Skype call with Gimli until he hears his name being called out. 

 

“Legolas? Legolas are you okay?! You’re crying...” Gimli can’t make out all the details due to the distance from the door to the laptop, but it was still clear that Legolas was upset. 

 

Wiping his face with his sleeve, Legolas gets up slowly and walks back to his laptop. He hits the unmute button, but is lost at what to say to Gimli.

 

“I-I’m sorry Gimli. I have to go. I-I’ll message you later about what happened. I promise. Bye.”  He manages to he hit the end button without giving Gimli the chance to respond, and collapses back onto his bed. 

 

However, Gimli did get a glimpse of the giant hand print across Legolas’ face before he hung up. Gimli’s heart sank, he was having such a great time with Legolas, he didn’t want it to end, especially not like this. He felt sick trying to imagine the possibilities of what could have happened to ruin the mood.  _ ‘Was Legolas’ father involved? Is he the one who hit Legolas? Well if he really did get hit….Ah what am I thinking? Of course he got hit there was a hand print shaped on his face! But, why would anybody hit such a sweet and innocent face? I’m so angry! I’ll hurt anyone who dares to hurt my friend! I really hope I can help with this,and I hope Legolas finds the courage to tell me everything. I’m so worried. I need to know all the details of this altercation. He was so upset, I could feel my heart breaking for him when I saw him sink to the floor. I wonder if this type of abuse happen often….I really hope not. Not even my father was that bad…’  _ Gimli’s mind wanders to thoughts of his dad. 

 

Gloin became pretty irresponsible and lazy when his wife, Glori, left him with the kids. He didn’t know what to do and often lashed out has children. He relied on them to be the parent and take responsibility instead of the other way around. Of course, Gimli didn’t really mind it at times because that meant it gave him the liberty to do whatever he wanted without Gloin getting mad at him. But sometimes, Gimli wished his father did care more for him. He wanted someone to greet him everytime he came back from school, he wanted someone to tell him goodnight right before bed, and most of all he just wanted a dad that actually worried for him. Fortunately, he has his older sister, Gilda that took over the roles of being a father and mother. She became the only person that cared enough to look after him; she understood. He wished that Legolas had someone like that in his life too. But, he knows Legolas is an only child and doesn’t really have any family close by. Gimli of course will try his best to always be there for Legolas, but he knows sometimes it’s not the same.  _ ‘I wished we lived closer. I know that I live closer now than I did before but it’s still too far away. I wish I could drive.’ _

 

A knock on his door startled Gimli from his thoughts. 

 

“Hey Gimli, I’m home. I bought you something to eat, can you open the door?” Gilda says holding a small pizza in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other. 

 

Gimli quickly gets up and opens the door for his sister.

 

“Hey sis!,” Gimli says happily as he takes the box and gives her a quick hug. “How was work?”

 

“Busy like always.” she replies with a sigh. “How was your day?”

 

“Eh. It was okay.” Gimli thought for a moment. _ ‘Should I tell her about Legolas?   _

 

Gilda sensed something was wrong. “Just okay? Well if you want to talk about your day in detail. I’m here.” She smiles kindly at him. 

 

Gimli hesitates for a second. “...I met this person online a couple of months ago. He became my friend soon after, and he helped me out with my problems, however, he was never open to me with what happened in his own life. He posted some negative things online and sent me a Skype message saying goodbye, then he disappeared for three months after that. I felt so guilty that I couldn’t help him; it made me feel sick. I thought he….I thought he was d-dead,” 

 

Gimli pauses for moment as a couple tears fall down his face. “I thought he killed himself and that it was my fault because I couldn’t offer him any help. This is why I’ve been so depressed the past few months. I’m so sorry for never telling you….But going back to the story, Legolas came back today. He messaged me and we started talking again. We even watched a movie together and video chatted. It was so much fun! We were interrupted by his father though. He didn’t come in the room or anything, but he called for Legolas and Legolas left the room. When he came back he was crying and had a huge mark in the shape of a handprint on his face. I wanted to comfort him and ask what happened, however, he hung up before I got a chance to say anything. He said he would message me about it later. But I can’t help but feel so worried for Legolas, what if something happens to him? I just got him back, I can’t lose him again,” Gimli says in a somber tone as more tears roll down his cheeks.

 

Gilda is lost for words, she hugs her little brother tightly and wipes his tears with her thumb. “It’s okay Gimli. I’m glad that you told me about your friend. I’m sorry to hear that all of that happened. You shouldn’t feel guilty, Gummi, you did all you could for your friend. You can’t help anyone if they don’t want to be helped. But, if he seems to be coming around from what you mentioned. You should give a little time to talk you about his problems, he said he would message you about what happened. You have to have more faith in him. I’m sure he will tell you when he’s ready. If anything you can possibly message him and ask him if he’s willing to talk. I’m not sure if he is being abused or anything along those lines but you shouldn’t assume anything. You should wait for him to tell you directly, if he is then we can talk about that subject further, okay? I think he will be okay tonight, don’t worry too much.  If he tells his father is abusive, I’ll do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again. He will be okay, he has a great friend to support him.” She smiles at Gimli and ruffles his hair a bit. “Cheer up and eat your food it’s getting late! I’ll be in my room, if you need me or want to talk more.” She gives him another quick hug then exits the room and shuts the door.

 

Gimli smiles at the use of the his childhood nickname, Gummi, and feels much better after the conversation with his sister. Gimli agrees to wait for Legolas to speak about his problems rather than make any assumptions about his situation at home.  _ ‘I’m grateful to have such a great sister. She always knows exactly what to say. I do hope Legolas talks to soon though…’ _ He sighs and decides to try and not think about it. He munches on a slice of pepperoni pizza and scrolls through tumblr for a few hours.

\------------------------------

 

Legolas stares at the wall for a few hours. He hasn't moved an inch after what had happened. He felt bad for just hanging up on Gimli, but he didn’t want him to see him like this. He promised he’d tell him about it anyway. Sighing, he slowly sits up and rubs his eyes. He probably smeared his eyeliner again. He has no motivation to move but he can hear scratching at his door. _ ‘Galion must have just walked Blossom and brought her inside.’  _ His legs swing over the side of the bed and he slowly gets up and unlocks and opens his door. He suddenly feels a pair of small paws jump at his legs. He bends down and pats her head, then lays back down on his bed. Blossom walks over to the bed and backs up slightly and jumps up onto it. She nudges Legolas with her nose and whines gently, she can tell that he’s upset.

 

“Fine. Come here.” he says as he opens his arms.She comes over and lays down next to him but continues whining. Legolas pets her to try and get her to stop crying but doesn’t realize that he’s begun crying himself. Blossom licks at the tears on his cheeks. Legolas laughs lightly, she always knew how to make him feel better. He hugs her gently and drifts off to sleep.

\---------------------------------------

Thranduil heads upstairs and notices Legolas’ door cracked open. He clearly remembers it being shut before he left.  _ ‘Did he come out his room? He doesn’t usually leave it open.’ _ Thranduil sighs slightly, and pushes it open fully. He’s about to say something when he notices Legolas and Blossom asleep together. Thranduil smiles at the sight. _ ‘They look so peaceful and innocent.’  _ However, when looking closer at the two of them, he notices a bruise on Legolas’ face in the shape of large hand. Thranduil gulps and stares at the palms of his hands, they begin to shake as he replays the altercation, from earlier, in his mind. He didn’t mean to hurt Legolas this bad. His anger made him lose control of his actions.  _ ‘Oh god, I’m so sorry Legolas... I’m a monster. You must hate me. There is no excuse for my behavior. I just wanted what is best for you. That means you had to take your medication. You probably think that I wanted to lock you away. But it’s been so hard coming home and you’re not here. I wish you could just stay home now. This treatment is for the best. I fucked up with your mother, I should have gotten her help. I’m so selfish. I always think about myself. I didn’t want people to know my wife was some institution, that would have been bad for the company. I couldn’t get bad publicity, I only took the company soon after Legolas born….when my Adar died. I needed people to know I could handle things; there would be no distractions. That sounds so terrible, when I admit it to myself. But it’s not the only reason, I wanted to see my wife everyday and I wanted us to be the perfect family. I was in denial to all the things that were happening. Just like I was in denial before my son tried to kill himself. There were signs of mental illness but I ignored them. I’m done denying things, I realize how badly everything is fucked up. I just want you to be okay, Legolas. I will actually speak to you about this tomorrow.’  _ Thranduil shuts off Legolas’ light and goes to his own room to get some sleep. 

\----------------------------------------------

Legolas wakes up early in the morning. He grabs his phone and checks the time, 5:45 am it reads. He sighs, he’s used to getting up early at the residential treatment facility, but today he kind of wished he slept in. He could try going back to sleep but it would be useless, he wasn’t tired anymore and he didn’t want to mess up his sleeping schedule he would have to go back to the hospital tomorrow night. 

 

He removes his hand from around Blossom and sits up. He looks up and stares at himself in the mirror attached to his dresser. ‘ _ I forgot to wash my face.’  _ He grumpily gets up and walks to his bathroom. He can’t think clearly and feels like he is in a daze. Going over to the shower he turns it on and gets inside without taking his clothes off. He stands under the shower head, letting the water pour over him. Legolas stays in this position, not moving for over an hour; it is not until two  hands carry him out of the shower and set him on toilet seat that he snaps back to reality. 

 

“Legolas? Son what are you doing?” Thranduil’s voice rang in his ears.

 

Legolas shivers and shrugs at his father in confusion. He moves his knees up and hugs them, rocking slightly back and forth.  

 

Thranduil looks at Legolas with concern. He came into his son’s room to talk about yesterday and hopefully get him to take his medication this time. However, he heard the shower running and called out his son’s name. When there was no response, he grew concerned and opened the shower curtain; he was shocked to see Legolas in the shower fully clothed. He reached out and shook his shoulder but there was no response. He gave up on trying to get a response from him, but the water was freezing cold by now. He reached inside the shower, not caring about getting his own clothes wet, and picked up his son and set him down on the toilet seat. He hoped he would get an explanation, but this didn’t seem to be the case. Legolas just shivered and stared at him and began rocking back and forth. At least he was moving now. but a shrug and rocking back and forth hardly seem like good responses. 

 

“Legolas, I need you to take these,” Thranduil says holding out the pills to him. “Please...I know they will help you. Maybe not right away, but I know they will make you feel slightly better.”

 

Legolas just blinks at his father, and Thranduil begins to lose hope. But, Legolas opens his mouth and looks up expectantly. Thranduil awkwardly places the pills into his son’s mouth and gets the glass of water he placed on the sink and holds it to his lips. He is pleased to see that Legolas managed to swallow the medication.  

 

“ Atta boy. There you go.” Thranduil says gently. “Let's get you dried off.” 

 

Thranduil grabs a couple clean towels off the rack. He places one around Legolas’ shoulder, and gently uses another towel to dry his son off. “Can you walk?” Thranduil asks in a soft tone. 

 

Legolas unconsciously nods and stands up slowly with the help of his father.

 

“Okay, that’s good Legolas, now let’s head into the bedroom so you can change into some dry clothes,” Thranduil says as he reaches out his hand and leads his son into the room. 

 

When they are inside the room, Thranduil let’s go of Legolas’ hand and goes through the closet to get him some clothes. He hands them to his child and tells him to get dressed, “Take off your wet clothes and put these on, please.” 

 

Legolas does just as his father orders him to do. He very slowly removes his clothes and changes into the pair of clean clothes; it takes him a long just to complete this simple task but Thranduil doesn’t interrupt him. He probably should feel embarrassed to change in front his father but his mind is still foggy, so he doesn’t mind. Plus even his mind was clear, at the institution he would have to undressed whenever they wanted to search for weapons or injuries; he was used to it by now. 

 

After changing, he slowly sits on his bed and continues with the same expression on his face. 

 

Thranduil watches his son and wonders what he should do. He decides the best thing he can offer Legolas right now is comfort.He joins Legolas on the bed and sits next to him, he swings his arm over to his son’s shoulder and pulls him close into a hug. He holds his child close and strokes Legolas’ blond hair.  While doing this, Thranduil softly speaks in a low tone and apologizes for his actions yesterday. 

 

However, Thranduil doesn’t get any response. Legolas goes back in his catatonic like state; he is in a stupor and does not move at all. 

 

Both of them stay curled up on the bed for a few hours. Thranduil ends up drifting off into a light sleep; he is awoken when Legolas is struggling to move away from the arms around him. He can’t get away, and begins crying. 

 

Thranduil wipes his tears away with his thumb. “It’s okay, Legolas, calm down...I’ll help you up,” he says as he moves away from Legolas and stands up then reaches his hands out. 

“N-no, this is a trap. You just want to hurt me.”  Legolas says as he moves away.  He curls up and turns his body away from him. 

 

“Legolas, I apologize for hitting you yesterday. I let my anger get the best of me. I know I shouldn't have reacted like that,” Thranduil slowly sits on the and looks at him. 

 

“No,no,no. You will hurt me again and this time you will go further. I...I guess I deserve to be killed but...n-no I can’t die now. I need to be there for my friend,” Legolas lets his thoughts slip and he says the last part out loud. 

 

“Son...I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. Why are you saying this? Legolas?” Thranduil gently puts his hand on his shoulder, but Legolas jerks his body away fast. 

 

“T-they told me….they told me your plan to kill me. You blame me for mom’s death and want me gone. I made her lose her mind; it’s all my fault. But I’m the real crazy one and you don’t want to deal with anyone like that. You don’t want me, so you’re going to murder me,” Legolas says as his frame begins to shake.

 

“Legolas who are you talking about? Who’s they? I’m not going to kill you Legolas…” Thranduil says as he raises a shaky hand to his mouth in fear.  _ ‘Is Legolas hearing voices? Just like his mother? He’s becoming more and more like her everyday…’ _

 

\--------------------------------

_ “Leave me alone!” A high screeching voice rang throughout the house. “I swear to god if you touch me again I’ll kill you!”  _

_ Thranduil held tightly onto his wife’s wrist. Today was her first day to resume taking her medication. Thranduil had risked taking her off them due to her pregnancy. But after Legolas’ birth she was convinced that her son had cured all of her disorders. She was okay for a little while; she seemed so peaceful  just holding their little baby boy in her arms. Thranduil hadn’t seen her like that in years; she was so bright and happy. Things seemed to be on the brighter side of days, but after a couple years she started having her delusions again. He tried so hard to ignore it, but he knew that happiness she once glowed with wasn’t going to last forever. He knew that things were only going to get worse. And they did. He was afraid that she was going to hurt Legolas, so he had to take him away from her. It was a hard choice to make, but he couldn’t let any danger come near his son. Even if that meant he had to protect him from his own mother. Estariel of course did not like that. She became extremely furious that it eventually ended up triggering her episodes. There was no other choice, but to put her back on her medication. _

 

_ Estariel kicked Thranduil in the shin and he releases his grip on her wrist. “I told you not to fucking touch me! Get out of my sight! I really will kill you! I don’t even know why I haven’t yet. If you’re dead then I get to see Legolas. You can’t keep him from me! I know you just want me to get worse, that’s why you took him! Or maybe you’re just jealous because he cured me and you couldn’t do shit for me. Is that it? It is!” Estariel laughs for a moment then continues. “They’re telling me you’re jealous of a child. Who would be jealous of that? Maybe I’m not the sick one, maybe it’s you. Well I can’t let you hurt Legolas because you’re jealous!” She digs into her pocket and pulls out a small knife. Before Thranduil can react, Estariel pins him against the wall and puts the knife to his throat. _

 

_ “Estariel, what are you doing?! Stop this!” Thranduil said in shock. _

 

_ “No!” _

 

_ “You can't kill me, Estariel...you love me. I know you do. I have to be here to take care of you and our son.You wouldn't want Legolas to grow up without a father right?”  _

 

_ “Sorry, Thranduil. They said I had to kill you...this is the only way.” _

 

_ “They? Who's they?!” Thranduil stared at her in shock. ‘Who was she talking about? Is there someone controlling her? Or telling her what to do? This really can't be what she truly believes, right? This had to be one of her delusions. But how am I going to convince her that what she thinks is not accurate? Or at least, how am I going to escape without hurting her?’  _

 

_ They both are interrupted by a crying noise. It gets louder and soon a small boy comes into the room rubbing his eyes as tears fall down his face.  _

 

_ Estariel drops the knife and rushes over to her son and picks him up. She calms him down while Thranduil is still too shocked to move. _

\----------------------------------

When Thranduil doesn’t get a response he continues speaking, “You’re not responsible for your mother’s death, Legolas. Your mother loved you very much….if anything you saved her from...k-killing herself...There’s no way of knowing anything. She was mentally ill Legolas, that’s the reason. You are too...I won’t kill you. I love you, son; you’re all I have left.”

 

Legolas listens to what his father has to say, however, he does not hear Thranduil’s caring words instead he hears hate words. “You’re responsible for your mother’s death, Legolas. Your mother despised you….she wanted to get away from so she  killed herself! You triggered her illness. You are far worse though; you’re truly mad. There is no saving you. You already tried to kill yourself; I would be doing you a favor. You’re the only thing left that is causing me pain.” 

 

“I-I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to hurt mom! I...I...f-fine, please…... kill me or whatever you’re going to do to hurt me, just please stop t-talking. I can’t take it! Just stop….please stop,” Legolas says as he begins to claw at his temple. 

 

Thranduil gives his a look filled with melancholy.  _ ‘He’s losing his mind. I need to get him more help....’ _ Walking over to Legolas he lightly grabs his son’s hands, so he can’t harm himself. Then he pulls him into a hug, Legolas struggles, but Thranduil just holds him tight and gently rocks him to sleep. 

 

Once his son, is asleep he sets his child down and exits the room. He makes a call to the hospital and tells them about Legolas’ recent episode. They agree to give him another evaluation once he gets back to the hospital. Thranduil has the option to bring him back tonight but he decides against it since Legolas is asleep. But if he’s being honest, he doesn’t want to send him back before he needs to; he just got to take him home. Due to Legolas’ episode today who knows when he will be ready for another home visit. 

\------------------------------------------

After a couple hours of rest, Legolas wakes up confused. He can only vaguely remember what happened today but he can’t piece anything together.  The last clear thing he remembers is getting up at 5:35 am then it’s all blurry after that. He gets his phone off the dresser and checks the time now 6:05 pm.  _ ‘Damn it! I missed so much of the day...What even happened to me? Did I black out? God, maybe my illness is getting worse. I don’t know if I can handle acting any worse than I already do. I’m trying to be better….This can’t happen now.’  _ He sighs and decides to message Gimli, as he promised. He didn’t really feel like talking about the situation but he was not sure when he get the opportunity again. He can’t go back on his word now, he told Gimli he would be more open. 

 

He opens up Skype and begins a conversation with his friend. 

 

‘Treasure: Hey, Gimli. I’m sorry for not messaging you sooner; I’ve been out of it all day. How are you?’

 

Gimli is in the middle of eating dinner with his sister that he sees when he sees the notification from his phone. He quickly opens it and asks Gilda if he can be excused explaining it’s Legolas. She agrees and lets him take his food to his room. He goes over to his desk and remembers he already left his laptop so used that instead. 

 

‘Star: omg. legolas hey! it’s nice to hear from you! i was so worried about you ever since whatever happened last night. i’m fine though i’m just having dinner but i can still talk don’t worry.’

‘Treasure: I’m sorry for causing you to worry. I’m honestly fine---

 

Legolas pauses in the middle of typing.  _ ‘I can’t lie to him. I’m so far from fine. Ugh, I don’t want to be annoying and bother him with my problems. What problems do I even have? I just feel like shit all the time even if there is no cause. This is so hard...but I have to try for Gimli. _ ’ He quickly erases that part and corrects it. 

 

‘Treasure: I’m sorry for making you worry, Gimli. It wasn’t my intention. Today has been a rough day for me. I think I’m losing my mind….but even if I am I don’t mind as long as I still have you. c: I just woke up not long ago, I was awake earlier but I can’t really remember. Um, I’d like to talk to you about last night if that is okay? I would wait but my father is going to come in here around 7 to give me my meds. I should be able to talk for a bit after that, but just in case….Gimli, I know I said I could talk to you every weekend. But, I have a feeling that I need to go back to the hospital for a bit….You know to get some more tests done and maybe some new prescriptions. I think I was pretty ill earlier today. So, after today or tomorrow, I might not talk to you for sometime. But hang in there, I’ll be thinking about you; I’ll come back to you, I promise.’  

 

Legolas bites his lip and hits send. He feels guilty about not telling the whole truth to Gimli, but he wasn’t ready yet. Opening up is one thing, but telling him that he has serious mental issues and is currently staying in a mental health facility, was too much. Besides, Gimli might figure it out himself anyway, though Legolas hoped Gimli just thought there was something wrong with his physical state opposed to his mental state. He didn’t think Gimli was a judgemental person. However, Legolas convinced himself, he could never know how Gimli would react for sure, and he didn’t want to find out right now. Just the thought of telling Gimli made him nauseous; he tried to push the thought aside before he started having a panic attack. 

 

‘Star: you don’t need to apologize to me legolas i understand dont worry c: i’m sorry you had a rough day today im always here for you when you need me and  i hope your day gets better--well i guess thats kinda stupid since you said that you were ill and probably need to go back to the hospital but that sucks so much asdtyretyhrt i hope you feel better and find the right treatment i dont want to lose you again...but i do believe you that you will come back when you can and ill be waiting for you when you get out--ill wait as long as you need. also im glad that you feel you can rely on me a bit more and that you trust me enough to open up to. of course you can tell me what happened last night but i dont want you to feel pressure or anything’ 

 

Gimli sends his message but he can't help but wonder what is truly going on with his friend.  _ ‘He keeps mentioning a hospital? Is he sick? He must be if he has to go in...I hope it's nothing too serious. He doesn't deserve to feel so shitty all the time. Unless it's a mental hospital it would fit...the suicidal posts he made and losing his mind. But do they even let you leave a mental hospital? I could look it up...No I shouldn't do that. I should just believe what he tells me. Besides a lot of people get physically ill with stress or guilt and he could be experiencing something along those lines. But for now I'm just glad he's trying to be more open now; this is so much more progress than a few weeks ago.’  _ Gimli continues to eat his dinner and watches some YouTube videos on his laptop while he waits for Legolas’ reply. He knows it will probably take his friend a little while to explain everything but he can be patient.

 

Legolas practices his breathing in order to keep himself calm. He types the message over and over again; deleting and rephrasing certain parts. He looks at the times and it reads 6:51 pm. He decides he will never be satisfied with the message and just sends it.  _ ‘Screw it. I don't have time…’  _

 

‘Treasure: Thank you for being so understanding, Gimli, I appreciate it. Thank you for wishing me well too; it's not dumb. Hopefully, I will be better soon. But, I'll still be back to annoy you don't worry haha. 

Anyway, I did want to tell you the story so I will. Yesterday, when I left the room, I went over to my father’s room to see what he wanted. He wanted to give me my meds but I refused. I'm not just some whiny child, please don't get the wrong idea. I didn't want them because they made me feel empty. I already took them that morning and I had such an awful time with my father at that time; we got into an argument because he was rude to the ice cream counter girl. I guess that could have been avoided but I was in an awful mood and I just wanted to go home not stop for ice cream or listening to him ridicule someone; they are still a person. But, I came home and you brightened my mood so much. I was afraid that if I took the pills then I would go back to feeling empty. Or worse I would snap at you for some silly reason. So, I kept pleading with my father but he didn't accept no for an answer. He kept insisting that I needed them to function. I didn't like his answer and he was starting to annoy me, so I said some things I shouldn't have said. I brought up my mother and tried to explain that I’m not the same person, so he didn't need to treat me as though I was my mother. However, I could have chosen a better choice of words, I feel awful for saying them but I let my anger get the best of me. And so did my father. He slapped in the face and I fell back onto the floor. I doubt it was as hard as you think. My father is a very strong and large man and I'm the opposite. If he truly intended to hurt me, he could have used so much more force. I probably would end up in the Earth’s  core if he hit me with any amount of his power haha...I know it's nothing to laugh but I know my father feels guilty about it. I think he tried many times to apologize to me today but I can't remember. It's not really an excuse. However, if I'm being honest I deserved a slap probably much worse than that….I don't remember if I told you, Gimli but my mother is dead. She died when I was a little kid. I don't really remember anything about her, but I know she killed herself. My father blames himself for her death, I sometimes blame myself too. But, it doesn't do any good because she's not coming back. It's harsh to say but it's the truth. My father has always been overprotective over me ever since her death. I know he fears losing me, he told me that so many times while I was in the hospital. He said so scared that would go join my mother. I think he sees me more as a second chance. He wants to do all he couldn't for my mom and fix his mistakes. But I just wanted him to realize that we are different people. We may be similar but we're not the exact same. 

I think that is all I have to say. Sorry it is so long; I hope I didn't overwhelm you with details or over share...I'm not used to being open with my feelings; it's very hard for me to do.’ 

 

He bite his nails nervously while he waited for Gimli to reply. The words ‘Star was typing’ seemed to last for hours, however, it was only a few minutes.  _ ‘How could Gimli wait so long for me to type that? I wish I was more patient. I’m so anxious, I hope he doesn’t hate me. He might for saying negative things about my mother. But maybe not since he has talked badly about his parents. But his mother didn’t kill herself…..I’ _ Legolas is interrupted from his thoughts when his father enters his room and speaks softly.

 

“You’re awake? I’m glad, do you understand what is happening right now?” Thranduil pauses. “I promise I won’t hurt you Legolas. But you really need to take these pills.” 

 

“I’m coherent; I’m not dissociating or having a delusional right now. I understand you won’t hurt me...I’ll take the medication, okay?” Legolas takes the glass of water and pills from his father and swallows them. He opens his mouth to show him it is gone. Thranduil is satisfied but wants them to eat dinner.

 

“Legolas you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday and you didn’t have dinner last night. You can have a light meal if you’re feeling nauseous but you need to eat something.” 

 

Legolas looks toward his phone and notices that Gimli still hasn’t replied so he agrees. “Fine,” He says with a sigh. _ ‘At least this will help pass the time.’   _ He changes his status to away and then heads off to have dinner with his father. 

\--------------------------

Gimli notices that he has a notification from Legolas’ he pauses the video he was watching and begins to read the rather long message. He felt a little angry and even sad after reading it. Legolas clearly didn’t deserved to get hit by his father, but he understood the pain of his father losing his wife. He understood how it felt to lose a mother. Of course, it still wasn’t an excuse to hurt Legolas. His father should’ve controlled himself. He felt guilty that he was part of the reason why Legolas didn’t want to take his medication too. He wouldn’t have mind if Legolas didn’t seem cheerful or anything. He’s just happy he gets to talk his friend. Gimli sighs feeling conflicted; he was having trouble thinking of what to say to Legolas. But he had to say something. _ ‘I hope I say something to make him feel better. It must be really tough to lose your mother to suicide and to be treated like her. Not to mention his frequent hospital trips; I hope things get better for Legolas.’  _

 

‘Star: youre never annoying to me, legolas. thank you for opening up and sharing this with me. i know how hard that is for you, im proud of you! c’:  don’t worry you didnt overshare or anything. you can tell me anything; i won’t ever judge you. im always here for you. i understand it must be hard to take the pills if they make you feel empty. but you should take them if they do help you get better. or maybe you can change to a different prescription??? im sorry im not sure how all this works. but it doesnt matter to me if youre not cheerful or anything when i talk to you; i like you just the same. though i am glad i did brighten your mood, i will always try to make you happy. but youre allowed to just be sad and vent; its not some terrible thing.  its needed to heal. also im so sorry about your mom. i know how it feels to grow up without one. you shouldnt blame yourself about what she did. its not your fault and neither is it your dad’s. i know its hard to forget the past, but you always have to look forward. thats what i told myself when my mom left us. its tough, but you cant go back in time to change things; you have to stay in the present.  maybe you can try talking to him and make him understand that youre not like your mother. but be careful i dont want you to get hurt again. dont confront him if he is going to get angry and hit you again. i know you think that you deserved to be slapped, but you dont. he’s the adult he should have learned to manage his anger. please stay safe. if he hits you again, please let me know. im not really sure what i can do. but i would figure out something because you dont deserve to be abused. you may not consider it abuse but in my point of view it is. i just dont want it happening to you again. youre really dear to me legolas. 

i was scared i wasnt going to be able to talk to you ever again after those few months. i thought that you were dead. your last message to me on skype really scared me….along with what you wrote on tumblr. im sorry that some of your followers treated you so poorly. you didnt deserve that. they should have been more understanding but ofc a lot of people on tumblr are trash. dont listen to what they said though; i know there are still some people out there who still like your blog.  i didnt get a chance to tell you but some of followers asked me about you. they know we are close because of your promos for my blog and because we always tag each other in stuff. but i couldnt give anyone a straight answer. i just told them i havent heard from you for a while either and i didnt know what happened but i hoped you were okay. i think some of your followers made you some art or edits hoping that you would see it and return. its really sweet! when you have to time you should look at it. but dont feel pressured to return to tumblr if youre not ready. i just wanted to let you know this before i forget.

thanks again for trusting me enough to open up! :D’ 

 

Gimli finally manages to type all this thoughts into words and send the message. Legolas’ status still says away but he isn’t worried since Legolas already explained he needed to take his meds at 7 pm.  _ ‘He probably had dinner as well since he just woke up not to long ago. But I really hope it is better than yesterday. I hope Legolas took his pills so he doesn’t upset his father again.’  _ Gimli went back to watching his video and waited for his friend’s reply. 

\---------------------------------

Legolas pushed aside his meal, but rarely ate any of it. It’s not that Galion’s chicken noodle soup tasted terrible; it was quite good but his nerves were getting the best of him. He was grateful that he didn’t have to eat the salmon dinner his father had, he wouldn’t have been able to eat more than a bite, if that.  _ ‘Salmon is disgusting. Ada likes so many gross foods. I guess I’m too picky but just the sight is appalling….Appalling? I get too angry too easily nowadays. It’s just food, why should I care?’ _

 

Thranduil looks over at Legolas, who pushed his bowl of soup away, and sighs. His son really needs to eat more. Legolas has always been a picky eater, but this was too much. The staff at the institution at least made sure Legolas ate enough and gained weight. It’s harder for Thranduil to do the same. He sighs, thinking it won’t really matter much since Legolas has to go back to the mental health facility tomorrow. 

 

“Just take a couple more bites, Legolas, then you may be excused,” Thranduil says and he watches his son do so quickly then leaves the table without a word. 

 

Legolas rushes back upstairs to his room. He shuts and locks the door. _ ‘Freedom at last.’  _ He takes a shaky breath and reaches over to his phone. He hesitates before checking on the phone’s lock screen for any new messages.  _ ‘I wonder if he replied yet...Do I want to know? What if it's something bad?’  _

 

He spends a few minutes debating on the issue of checking his phone. Then after about 7 minutes he decides to check it.  _ ‘I can't just be open about my life then run away...what would be the point? I have to be a better friend and that does not entail avoiding my friend.’  _ He closes his eyes and hits the home button. When he slowly opens his eyes again he sees that he has a new Skype message from ‘Star’. After just a couple seconds more of hesitation he slides the message and unlocks his phone to view it. 

 

Legolas smiles immediately at message from Gimli. It was reassuring that he wasn't annoying, that was always a major concern for him when socializing. Or that he didn't over share because he never opened up so much to anyone like that before except maybe a therapist. He was really lucky to have a friend like Gimli supporting him. 

 

Some tears started to fall from his eyes at Gimli’s concern. Gimli was right about his father and his mother. His friend was right about everything. It might be hard to accept but there is no other logical explanation. 

 

He began to cry harder when he read the part of the message concerning Tumblr. He had never expected anyone to care so much for him or his blog.  _ ‘My followers...they asked about me? They made me gifts. I don't deserve any of that, especially for being so fake and lying. It is so kind though. I should go back on Tumblr and explain what happened….at least use the excuse I used on Gimli; I will tell them that I've been sick in the hospital. Yeah that should work nicely….it's not a complete lie; it's just lacking details. I do reside at a mental health facility that doubles as a treatment center and a school…My mind is very sick; I guess I do need help. I hope they understand. Maybe I can ask Gimli help on how to word what I want to say. I can have him read it beforehand then post it. That will make it a lot less stressful.’  _

 

Legolas wipes his tears and gets up and goes over to his desk. He picks up his MacBook and brings it over to his bed. He turns it on and after it loads up he opens tumblr. He has new mail in his inbox and even a few messages. He decides to look at that later. First he begins his reply to Gimli. 

 

‘Treasure: Thank for the reassurance, I really needed it. I did take my pills don't worry. I guess I can ask about a new prescription but I already went through a few already and the side effects of those were worse. So I don't really know if I want to risk taking something else. I'll think about it though; thanks for the advice. I think you are right about you said towards my mother and father. I'll try to keep that in mind instead of blaming myself. I don't deserve the cruel treatment I think I deserve; I might need a reminder of that but thanks. I will let you know if my father ever hits me again. You're very dear to me as well, Gimli. I honestly cried so much reading this message you mean so much to me. I don't know what I would without you. 

I cried harder at this next part of the message. I'm so shocked that people missed me. And they created things for me too? That's so sweet, I don't deserve it. I'm terrible for causing you and others to worry about me. I think I should make a post tonight about my life recently. But I'm not sure how to word it, can you help me? I'll draft something and ask you how it sounds. If that's okay…’ 

‘Star: no problem! im always reassure you when you need it and im proud of you for taking your pills but yeah if its something you can you look into it might be worth a shot because you shouldnt feel empty all the time. weykvdjk im sorry for causing you you to cry youre going to make me cry ahh but all of what i said is true and i think that would be a good idea for your tumblr account. ofc i would be happy to help you with your message! :)’

‘Treasure: Thanks again, Gimli! I take all your words to heart. Thanks you for agree to help me with the Tumblr post. Okay what I have is “Hey everyone. I'm sorry for my inactivity. I’ve been in the hospital for the past few months. I probably have to go back there tomorrow. I don't know when I’ll be released. But I'll be fine don't worry. I will set up a queue for when I'm  away. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who still follows me and for all your support.” I don't know if I should add something about the creations they made? Or if I should mention about my inbox. I saw I had so a lot of mail and even some direct messages. But I'm afraid to read them especially the messages in my inbox because I haven't deleted the messages from earlier. A lot of them were so negative and I barely got through any of them. I don't want to hear how I should kill myself or anything along those lines.’ 

‘Star: i think that sounds great legolas! um maybe just mention the posts briefly but you dont need to and ahh im still angry that people said those awful things to you. you didn't deserve any of that i would fight them if i could but i think that you should just clear your inbox then just explain that you cleared it and if people have any important questions or messages to just resend them.’ 

‘Treasure: Ah, okay that sounds like a great idea. Does sound okay then? “Hey everyone. I'm sorry for my inactivity. I’ve been in the hospital for the past few months. I probably have to go back there tomorrow. I don't know when I’ll be released. But I'll be fine don't worry. I will set up a queue for when I'm  away. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who still follows me and for all your support. I heard that some people made some edits or drew some pictures for me. No one needed to do that but it's so sweet, I appreciate it. I will be sure to check those out. c: Lastly, I wanted to mention that if you sent me any messages through my inbox, please resend them if it was important. I cleared out my inbox because I didn't want to see the negative messages in there from the incident a few months ago. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience for anyone but I don't want to stumble on a message telling me to kill myself or anything. I again apologize for those self loathing posts a few months ago. I will be sure to keep those on my personal blog from now on. But, please resend me questions will happy to answer. Thank you for reading this. I'll keep everyone updated.”’ 

‘Star: yee that sounds really good legolas! youre always so great with words damn hjfkjdj. ppl have to understand. you should post it now. also this is random but can i post this screenshot shot of us on tumblr. you look so adorable but if it makes you uncomfortable i wont dont worry also sorry for taking it and not asking i was going to ask you before but well you know you had to go. -sends the screenshot-’

‘Treasure: Thank you, Gimli, you're great at wording things as well. I will post it now. 

Oh my god, I'm cringing so hard right now. I look adorable? You must be looking at a different picture because I look like an edgy hipster 10 year old. This picture is the cause of my death. I'm just kidding, of course, I don't care that you took the picture. You asked me very nicely thank you. Go ahead and post it it; I don't mind. People should see how our great friendship. Besides everyone should have at least one ugly picture online haha.’

‘Star: pls im not good at writing i dont type in full sentences and im shit with grammar. but lol arent  you an edgy hipster 10 yr old??? could have me fooled jk but s dghkgfhk seriously you are adorable ahh the picture is not ugly at all. you look better than me pls. i dont have to post it seriously i don't mind ahh but yeah everyone should see our great friendship though lol.’ 

‘Treasure: You are really good with words because you always know the right thing to say and how to cheer me up. c: Haha yeah totally edgy hipster 10 year old is my aesthetic. But thank you for thinking I'm adorable and not ugly. I don't agree but thank you. You look really nice to me! If any likes the picture it's because of you not me. I really love your look. But seriously it's okay to post it. It's cute that you wanted to post a picture of us.’ 

‘Star: ah nppp and sdfghjlgfcv you always make me blush omg pls ill post it then! did you make your post on tumblr yet? when you do ill like it and reblog it to spread the word. :D’ 

‘Treasure: I’m posting it right now. I just cleared my inbox and now I'm thinking of some tags. It should be up in a minute. But thanks you don't need to reblog it or anything. I'll reblog the picture when you post that.’

 

Legolas takes a deep breath and posts the message he wrote with Gimli’s help on Tumblr. 

 

‘livelyleaves: Hey everyone. I'm sorry for my inactivity. I’ve been in the hospital for the past few months. I probably have to go back there tomorrow. I don't know when I’ll be released. But I'll be fine don't worry. I will set up a queue for when I'm away. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who still follows me and for all your support. I heard that some people made some edits or drew some pictures for me. No one needed to do that but it's so sweet, I appreciate it. I will be sure to check those out. c: Lastly, I wanted to mention that if you sent me any messages through my inbox, please resend them if it was important. I cleared out my inbox because I didn't want to see the negative messages in there from the incident a few months ago. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience for anyone but I don't want to stumble on a message telling me to kill myself or anything. I again apologize for those self loathing posts a few months ago. I will be sure to keep those on my personal blog from now on. But, please resend me questions will happy to answer. Thank you for reading this. I'll keep everyone updated. #personal #update #thanks for the support #i feel bad for being away #i’m sorry #i miss tumblr #i’ll return when I can #there probably won't be much if any edits or art made by me in a while #also I feel bad for clearing my inbox without reading it #please resend stuff #also thanks gem for helping me word this’ 

 

He goes over to the instant messages he has on Tumblr. With another deep breath he opens them and tries to reply. 

 

‘marvel-sheild: hey leaf haven't seen you post in awhile D: hope you're okay. i really love your blog!! have a good night.’ 

‘livelyleaves: I just made a post about it. -inserts the link- Thank you for your concern and your admiration of my blog. Have a good day or night! c:’ 

 

‘misqueenie: did you leave tumblr??? you used to be my favorite blog. im so sad to not see your posts anymore ;-; i hope you come back. i made you this. -inserts the link.- 

 

Legolas clicks on the link and it redirects him to a drawing. The drawing is of a girl chasing a leaf that is blowing in the wind. Then underneath the caption reads:

‘for @livelyleaves 

  | I miss you and hope you return.’ 

 

Legolas smiles at the picture. It was so nice for someone to do.  _ ‘I didn't think anyone would miss him...Maybe no one does and they only care for my content. No I can't think like that...I have to more positive...I should just reply to these messages and then I'll look into my tag.’   _ He likes and reblogs the picture with the tags #thank you so much #this is so pretty #so creative too #you’re too kind #i’m not back yet but soon #art by op. He replies quickly to her message. 

‘livelyleaves: I haven't left Tumblr don't worry. I made a post about it -inserts link- I'm sorry to upset you and I'm truly honored to be your favorite blog. Thank you very much for the picture you didn't have to make me anything. I appreciate it though. It's very nice and I love the idea you had with chasing the leaf because I go by Leaf haha.’ 

 

‘pinkydinkypie: omg you havent been online in forever asdfghjkl. whats happening???’ 

‘livelyleaves: Yes, I’m sorry about that. Please read the post I made -inserts link- 

 

‘dicksoutforleaf: I love you so much!! You're my entire life! Please come back!! I go on your blog everyday dijvsdhjsr idk what to even do anymore. I can always go through your old posts but it's not the same :( Please come back like no one even cares about the negative posts you made. If anything it was just concern for you. I never got the courage to speak to you yet, you can't leave. Maybe you didn't leave and just post on your personal blog??? What is that I’d love to follow you there. Please respond!!’ 

 

Legolas was a bit creeped out by the message especially at their username.  _ ‘Are they referring to me? It kind of makes me uncomfortable. But I can't be mean and I guess their intentions were in the right place. I think they only wanted to show me they cared.’  _

 

‘livelyleaves: Thank you so much for all your support. I will be back eventually, I just need some more time. I made a post here -inserts link- I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable giving out my personal Tumblr right now….maybe one day. But, you’re too nice; I'm flattered, thanks again!’ 

 

He sends out a reply to them and is relieved to see there is only one more message left. _ ‘I guess most people sent these type of messages to my inbox instead.’  _

 

Legolas doesn't even notice the username until he clicks the message and reads it. 

 

‘axe-battle: legolas?? please respond im so worried. i cant...just respond.’ 

 

‘ _ Why do I always overlook these messages it literally says the name and part of the content right there. What's wrong with me? Gimli must have sent this the same day I attempted suicide. He probably figured that I was still on Tumblr and there was a chance to reach me. If only that were true…’ _ Legolas feels guilty all over again. He knows there is nothing to do about it now and at least Gimli forgave him. He opens back up Skype to see a message from Gimli. 

‘Star: ah okay! i see it i reblogged it. i posted the picture too! :D’ 

‘Treasure: I’m sorry for the semi late reply. I was replying to the instant messages I got. I'm sorry for missing yours...But that's nice you posted the picture. I'll go reblog that. I might reply slowly because I'm going to check out my tag for the creations you said people made for me. I saw one already it was very nice.’

‘Star: its okay dont worry! and that was a long time ago lets just focus on the present c: im sure you will like all the things that were made. ive seen a lot they were nice! you deserve them.’ 

 

Legolas returns to Tumblr and finds the post.  He reads over the tags that Gimli posted, under the picture captioned ‘skype adventures with @livelyleaves’ #livelyleaves #my face #my best friend #skype adventures #this was yesterday #we watched a movie #im the red head #the beauty on the larger screen is leaf #he looked so adorable I had to post it #he was so focused during the movie it was cute #hes the purest person #his hair is beautiful like damn teach me #everything about him is perfect #people need to know about our great friendship #were the best #name a more iconic duo #thanks for letting me post this leaf. He smiles at the them. ‘ _ Gimli is so sweet. He always makes me smile. I couldn't ask for a better friend.’ _

  
  


Legolas then likes and reblogs the screenshot that Gimli posted with the tags #me #edgy hipster 10 yr old is my aesthetic #friendshipgoals #honestly though I look 10 #and my smile is too much #i cringe so badly when I look at it #but enough about me #can we appreciate how nice gem looks #his hair is really nice #he looks so sweet laughing #he’s flawless #be sure to follow him #gem thanks for watching a movie with me #we should do it again sometime. #also thanks for the nice tags on the pic. 

 

After reblogging Gimli’s post, Legolas ventures over to look at his tag. It is full of many gif sets of various fandoms he enjoys, as well as, some artwork created just for him: these included personal pictures, ocs, and characters from fandoms. He couldn't help but smile.  _ ‘Everyone is so nice. This is all so beautiful. I'm so lucky to have such a large following...I'm so grateful.’  _  He makes sure to reblog or queue all the ones he sees and add tags expressing his gratitude. 

 

He stops smiling and feels his heart jump in panic when he sees a post from ‘axe-battle’ 

 

The post was a drawing that depicted a ginger haired boy with messy hair, a beard, and a concerned expression; he reassembled Gimli. The boy was hugging a smaller boy with brown hair who presumingly was Legolas. This brunet’s face remained hidden leaning into the chest of the ginger haired boy; it seemed like he was crying. 

Legolas felt his heart drop upon seeing the piece of art. He stares at it for a few minutes. It was very well done so, it made him feel inspired, however, he could barely register that feeling. All he felt was guilt. He felt awful for lying to Gimli. But he didn’t feel like he could tell him anytime soon.  _ ‘I will tell you one day, Gimli, I promise. I just can’t right now. What if you hate me? I guess you might be for lying. But...I can’t handle you thinking poorly of me. Or thinking that I’m some nut case.’ _

 

Legolas pulls up Skype, he sees Gimli has thanked him for the nice tags on the photo of them together. He tells Gimli, it’s just the truth. He doesn’t think much of the tags, but Gimli couldn’t help but feel flattered. 

 

Legolas types another message before Gimli can respond. 

‘Treasure: Thank you for the sweet picture you drew of us. It’s nice and I would look good as a brunet haha. It’s really well done! I wish I had your skills. I just wanted to tell you before I go to sleep. I have to get up early.’ 

Legolas lets out a sigh and hits send. He is about to shut off his laptop when Gimli responds. 

 

‘Star: no problem legolas you dont have to thank me i was just worried about you and ill always be there for you! sweet dreams :)’

 

He smiles as the thoughtful message and replies quickly before turning his laptop and going to sleep.‘Treasure: I know thank you!’

 

Legolas tossed and turned in his bed trying to get comfortable but nothing was working. The ticking of the clock on wall seemed to be getting louder and suddenly nothing felt real. His blue eyes stared at the wall blankly as he let his mind wander.  _ ‘Am I really at home right now? Did any of the events from this weekend actually happen? Or did I imagine them? I could still be at the hospital right now….Gimli could still hate me.’  _

The thought of Gimli broke Legolas from his trace. He moved slightly and reached around in the dark for his phone. After a few seconds, his hands touched the hard exterior of his hard tree phone case. He picked up the phone and quickly opened Skype. He was shaking hard, but he needed to talk to Gimli. He could only hope that his friend was still awake. 

 

‘Treasure: asdfghj are you awke?’

‘Star: yeah is everything ok?’

‘Treasure: cna i call yiu?’

‘Star: yeah ofc sorry i look a mess right now.’ 

‘Treasure: its oka dw i probalby look worse hah’

‘Treasure: im callin noew’

With a shaky breath, Legolas clicks on the call icon and anxiously waits for his friend to answer the call.

\----------------------------------

Gimli jumps at the noise from the Skype notification. He looks at the clock; it reads 3:12 a.m. He wonders who it could be at this hour. None his friends typically message him now. That is unless he and Legolas stay up together but Legolas said that he was going to sleep.  _ ‘Maybe he woke up?’ _

 

He opens Skype and his suspicion was confirmed when he sees a message from “Treasure.” However, he can’t help but sense something is wrong. ‘ _ Legolas never types like this. He always writes in complete sentences or at least something along those lines. He never keyboard smashes let alone have a typo in his messages. This is weird…’ _

 

Gimli quickly replies to Legolas and knows there is definitely a reason to be concerned. _ ‘He wants to call me? This is unheard of….he typically doesn’t like to do calls. In fact, we only just video chatted for the first time yesterday. He only asks me to call if we’re watching movie or playing a game...Which I don’t mind. It’s always nice talking to Legolas. I would talk to him all the time if I could. But this whole thing seems off. It’s very late to begin a call. I wonder what’s wrong? Is it his dad? Or did something else happen? Ah I have to stop wondering and just talk to him already! I look like trash but none of that matters right now! I  hope to find out what is wrong…’ _

 

Clicking the phone button to answer the call. He waits for the connection to go through and he is greeted with a terrified expression. 

 

Legolas eyes are wide and full of terror. Gimli can see tears forming at corner of his eyes and his breathing is unsteady. After a couple of seconds, he hears a soft whimper come out from Legolas’ mouth. 

 

“G-Gimli…” Was all Legolas managed to say before breaking down into sobs. 

 

His shaking hands went to cover his face; hiding it from view. 

 

“Legolas….everything is going to be alright. I’m here for you and I’ll try my best to cheer you up, but it’s okay to be sad sometimes. It’s okay to cry...you don’t have to hold it in or try and hide it; I don’t mind. I care about you a lot. You’re my best friend and it upsets me to see you so sad. I wish you would tell me what’s wrong. But even if you can’t manage that right now, it’s okay. I’ll still be here even if you don’t say anything else.” 

 

Both hands are removed from Legolas’ face and move into his blond locks. Legolas twirls his hair in his fingers nervously. He hasn’t made eye contact with Gimli yet; his eyes remained glued to his own lap. He doesn’t think that he can stand the embarrassment of looking at Gimli in the eyes. Nor does he want to see the expression that is across his friend’s face. It would hurt too much. Tears are still falling freely down his face. He knows with just a glance upward at his computer screen those tears would turn into sobs once more. 

 

“A-are you really here though? O-or am I imagining this? How do I k-know?...How do I know what is real?”

 

Gimli stared for a few seconds, looking concerned. He scratched his beard a little confused but answered sincerely. “Of course, I’m here Legolas. You aren’t dreaming or imagining this. I’m truly here. You can tell that I’m real because I would never lie to you. If I say something that doesn’t add up then you can have your doubts. And if you ever want to know anything else is real just ask me and I’ll tell you....Look remember this?”

 

Gimli sends the picture he drew of them together that he posted a few months ago. It clearly resembles the scenario happening right now. 

 

“I drew this picture a few months ago when you stopped talking to me for a little while. I was upset that you were gone and I was afraid something bad happened. But drawing always brought me comfort and I thought that maybe drawing this my worst fears wouldn’t come true. I know that’s stupid but I like to think that my love has reached you somehow. I’m glad you’re talking to me. I want you to know that I’ll always be your shoulder to cry on...even if I’m not in the same room as you. I’ll always be here to comfort you. I only want the best for Legolas and I would never harm you, I promise.”

 

Legolas slowly looks up. He glances at the picture then at the screen. He couldn’t help but smile. No one has ever spoken so kindly to him before. He felt almost bad for having Gimli reassure him. 

 

Wiping the tears from his face, Legolas clears his throat and speaks softly. 

 

“T-thank you, Gimli. I don’t know what is wrong with me; I’m sorry. But, your thoughtful words have warmed my heart and I feel much better now...But can you stay in the call with me for a while longer. I know it’s a lot to ask, especially at this hour...but having you by my side puts my mind at ease.”

 

Gimli smiles warmly. “Of course, I’ll stay!” He lets out a small laugh before he continues, “Didn’t you just hear what I said? I’ll always be here for you. I’ll stay in the call until you’re ready to hang up even you fall asleep.”

 

“You’re such a great friend and I don’t deserve you. Thank you once again. And I’ll try to remind myself that no matter what, I can always count on you to be there for me.”, Legolas says with a genuine smile.  “But, I’m not really sure what else to say..” 

 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk for the both of us.”

 

The two spend the next couple of hours in the call. Gimli tells Legolas all different types of stories that he made up.To which Legolas listens intently. They also share a couple of memes which makes them both burst out in laughter. Time sees to fly by that they don’t realize that it’s past 6 a.m. The loud chimes from Legolas’ alarm alerts them that it is time to end the call. 

 

“Gimli...I have to get ready now. I had fun thank you. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to talk to you again, as I mentioned before. But, I hope it’s sooner than I think. I will keep everything you said in mind. I’ll see you next time.”

 

“I had fun too, Legolas. But, don’t worry about it. I’ll be here whenever you get back. I’ll be looking forward to it. Take care, I’ll see you next time.”

 

Legolas smiles and nods at Gimli then ends the calls. He quickly takes a shower and gets dressed just in time for his father to knock on his door with his medication. Thranduil looks pleased and the pair have breakfast. But, Thranduil has to take Legolas back to inpatient care. It’s hard for both of them. But they know that the treatment is necessary. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure if anyone is interested in this but either way sorry for the long wait. We were busy with college and stuff... then just kind of forgot about this. Sorry about that! The next chapter shouldn't take as long.


End file.
